I am loosing my mind, but if you need me…. I am right here.

Today is not my best day. I woke up next to my husband which to many is the most ordinary thing in the world. To me…it is a simple pleasure…like seeing a butterfly in your garden or seeing an old friend unexpectedly. It was as it should be.

Last night, we had a lovely evening out with friends. Sharing a meal and playing 30 seconds. My husband and I am not halve bad at that game {actually Noid and I rock!} So another plus there.

I slept solid, no insomnia and woke up feeling like somebody has beaten the ‘I must owe the godfather money’ or something out of me. Battered and bruised. Now this inflammation illness of mine comes and goes…it kicks ass, but it always leaves again.

I find it amusing that for one as ‘negative’ as I am often accused of being, this illness did not mean a life of painful movement, blue marks and anti-inflammatory medication. It just is, part of my genetic make-up, along with anxiety and depressive episodes or wishing it would rain. It is as part of me as singing in the car or spending my last cent on Xanor and a book. Trying to figure out a Wench seems impossible, but the journey appeals.

As I had spend the night at Noid’s and he was playing golf today, I decided to go home.

I love walking into my falling down house with the chipping paint, the overgrown grass thanks to the rain, the organza curtain in my room that has torn due to age and a beating of the sun. It may be an old beaten down house to many, but to me….with its less than a swamp like pool…., it feels the closest thing to home I know at this uncertain time.

I put on some washing as it appears my domestic worker is not returning as agreed, or ever. Makes me feel slightly overwhelmed: house, work, kids… ± daunting.

Eventually I ran myself a lemon grass bathe and lay there with my sore body……and decided I need to go out. See other things and people as I started feeling sad missing the kids and walking does help my inflammation.

I came to Norwood to beat the blues and join the Jews, and to be perfectly honest after slowly making my way round for an hour, I don’t feel well enough to drive this minute, so here I am sitting with my legs propped up for the pain behind a pole in hiding at the Mugg and Bean, waiting to feel at least semi normal for the real short drive home. Was hoping the Jacobsons will walk past so I can see baby Faith but I am out of luck there.

Okay…. Laytah.
Wenchy

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left .

Year End Quiz – 2010

Dear friends, fuckwits and foe….. and faithful readers –

My answers for the past two years to this quiz can be found here:

 2009 – Year End Quiz Answers

2008 – Year End Quiz Answers

Here is the 2010 edition:

 1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Elope with the man with the thighs, who proposed (again, just a few days before) I love to a mountain top in the Drakensberg and became his wife on 24 September 2010. Probably the most romantic of commitments, the kind of day you find in movies and books and leaves woman crying and men wishing they had thought of that. 🙂

My husband organised the entire wedding. All I did was choose my underwear, we went together to get our wedding bands… I ordered the cupcakes and picked up my flowers…. that was that. So if he ever fails as a financial advisor which he kicks ass at, the man could become a wedding planner. *wink*

It was just the two of us, two Jewish witnesses, the Pastor and his wife in a tiny non-demonimational Chapel in the Drakensberg. We chose the Chapel not for its religious properties, but purely because of the spectacular view over the mountains which Noid loves so much and legality of needing a proper structure to wed under. We did only the legalities in the Chapel as I am not a religious person and requested no sermon. That didn’t stop the minister from giving us a small talk on the highs and lows of life and riding them out together. 🙂 Noid and I both smiled since we both knew that is exactly what I didn’t want…. but he kept God pretty much out of the life storm picture, so it was all good. Noid was a very eager groom and said YES before the Pastor was finished asking the legal questions and asked if he could say it again and again….he was sweet and delightful in his excitement. I was more tearful, but I said “I do” at the correct place. We signed the register…. drank Appeltiser and fed each other Angel’s cupcakes. We blew bubbles and our friend made a small speech. Perfect.

From there, we made our way to the airfield where a 20 minute air trip turned into a much longer trip as we sat on top of the “Little Berg“, crying, exchanging vows and watching the sun go down. It was incredibly romantic and Noid’s vows are by far the most beautiful I have ever heard anyone say to anyone.

Lucky for us the pilot was asked to check out a veld fire so we got to go along for the ride…. so we got back with the sun firmly tucked away. 🙂 We stayed at the Champagne Sports Resort Hotel and had dinner with our friends that night before they left for home, so we could spend a view days alone on “Honeymoon” at the Hotel where we were totally spoiled.

Noid spared no expense in money or emotion. He was perfect in every way and it was a moment in time I will never forget as long as I live. It was a pure gift of love, devotion and adoration. I felt completely adored.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No. I did not keep my new years resolution which is odd since I usually give it some kind of bash. I do have two resolutions for 2011:

  1. Not to weigh myself for an entire year.
  2.  To have a family home with my husband and my six kids.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin Tiana came birth to baby Ethan James just a few days ago. Darling baby is named after my Liam James which I found incredibly exciting. 🙂 Mom and babe are both fine. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Close to me no, but I was certainly touched by Jason’s mom’s death deeply emotionally.

5. What countries did you visit?

Only South Africa – since this is where I live.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Enough – on an abundance of levels.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?

Valentine’s weekend, 22 August and 24 September.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Achievement? Winning a quarterly 100% achieved at work was pretty cool, not killing myself was a plus, getting married was a good one and taking a chance on life. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Picking up weight. Not massively, not much, but enough for me to feel like I am a walrus. The mistakes Noid and I made which we have paid for in spades….. Not trusting people who means the wall I have created also keeps out those that do really care and do want to love me – as I am.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I feel like I have been ill or injured non stop for months… one thing after another… mostly with mouth abysses caused by my bone illness. It’s honestly painful.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Blackberry Torch. I love it!…. and every Paulo Coelho book I could afford and get my hands on.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Noid was pretty impressive in the latter part of the year and all my six kids seemed to do pretty well…. especially Nic who reached for me like I didn’t expect…. Douglas who cried for me and told me he loved me so many times and Liam James…. actually every one of them stepped it up.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Noid’s x wife hurt me deeply in a profound, deep way that made me question friendship in a big way. I truly gave my friendship freely, tried to be supportive, understanding and even loving…. I tried to be what I wanted a friend to be to me. I got hurt… burned… and again, I’ve lost my trust in people. 

14. Where did most of your money go?

Raising my kids.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Marrying Noid.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2011?

Brown eyed girl – Van Morrison …. and Noid singing it to me in the car.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • Happier or sadder? I don’t know…. in some ways much happier but there is a sadness inside of me because of circumstance that is hard to deal with.
  • Thinner or fatter? Fatter – even if ever so fucking slightly it upsets me.
  • Richer or poorer? Poorer. Much poorer than I have been in years.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Laugh.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Cry.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Christmas was an extremely rough day for me this year. It started off well in that I got to wake up with my husband. We went to see my family and it was the first time they had seen us since we got married. Many issues had to be sorted out and although at the time my heart broke in a million pieces and I hurt like hell. Everyone got to say what they needed (very little actually pertained to the wedding), I had to face that my Mom is dying and that she is okay with that…. and when we left – all was good and well and probably the best it had ever been. Noid got to clear all he had inside and so did they. We ended up with my Mom and my sister, redoing my make up as I had cried so much which was very special. 🙂  Thankfully my parents live on big property so the kids were none the wiser, running wildly outside.

We then went to Noid’s family where as we walked in, a huge picture had been put up which was taken the day Noid and I broke up. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Off course it was not his family’s fault at all, and to his Mom it was a pic of all her kids together on her birthday, but it was one of the worse days of my life. I knew Noid hated the picture also, but said nothing and thought it best to just let it go. I honestly just couldn’t. I went to the bathroom and was physically ill. It threw me, I wasn’t expecting the pain to be that intense, still. So when Noid’s Mom came to sit next to me, hugging me, I decided not to suffer for the day but I explained to her my feelings, fighting tears and that the picture symbolizes everything of the hurt that was caused – our own fault – but the pain is real. How they all sat there smiling as if I never mattered at all, as if I was never part of that family, I left out some pieces of the puzzle but she was really, really understanding and offered to take the picture down at once. I explained that she had done nothing wrong, AT ALL… and she didn’t have to but she did and it helped me very much. I really loved that she would do that for me and I am deeply touched.

In the end we had a nice day with nice food, some laughs, lots of tears and Noid and I came out of the day closer than we have been in weeks.

On a funny note, the new apprentice daughter in law, (Noid’s brothers girlfriend) I think is going to have a much easier time fitting in the family as she is also very positive, organic and smiles all day long – unlike the bi-polar me. LOL I mentioned this to dear Noid who thought it was kinda funny actually as he was so unlike the rest of his family also. This is not a criticism and all seems lovely and they all very happy which is awesome, but merely an observation.

I did decide to reach out to Noid’s sister the night before Christmas and it was a good thing. That is all. Thank you Jenni for being there for me.  

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

My husband. I still detest speaking on the phone.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Yes – all over again.

 23. How many one night stands in this last year?

All with Noid.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

Lie to me. 

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Mel always says hate is such a strong word. I feel disappointment, not hate.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?

I am in love with Paulo Coelho….. love him, but the best book I read this year was “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I cried…. it was beautiful in its simplicity.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Lee Dwayne.

28. What did you want and get?

A husband. I purple engagement ring and wedding band that I can’t stop smiling at. It is PERFECT…. mmmm and a job I like much better.

29. What did you want and not get?

Peace for my soul.

30. What were your favourite films of this year?

Eat Pray Love.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 37 and threw me’self a soccer party in the midst of the world cup at my family restaurant, Spur – people with a taste of life!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Requesting a transfer from a job I hated earlier.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I have no concept of fashion. I care that my toes and nails are painted, that my eye brows are waxed and my body is shaved and that I am wearing perfume and matching underwear… clothes…. who cares?

34. What kept you sane?

Xanor kept me stable, not sane. Noid tries really hard to keep me sane. Shame. LOL

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None really, but I always love Billy Connolly.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Can’t think of anything.

37. Who did you miss?

My husband and my kids all living together. My grandparents, always.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I became better friends with Giles and AJ whom I both liked and who was good to me, Jason and Cindy who was very supportive and my cookie baking mad gay friend, I call “Oom” although we basically the same age LOL. I also met Nicci whom I bonded with instantly.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Be fucking careful what you wish for, you may just get it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

”There’s a sadness hidden in that pretty face;

A sadness all her own from which no man can keep Wenchy safe”

– an adaptation from Bruce Springsteen’s Candy’s Room.

  

I wish you enough,

Wenchy

Are we there yet?

Dear ten readers hahahah,

I am still trying to be proper and blog at least something daily. Someting my BlackBerry has made much easier. Dawn I am staring to get the picture thing!

A week or so ago, Liam, Victoria and I gave the pool a bit of a swamp make over and for maybe three days it did not look all that shabby. We could see the bottom clearly and everything.

Since the rain, the pool is close to overflowing and looks kinda exotic in a pond way. Liam being away, Victoria and I had a crack at it today. The gobler thingie on the side is working like a bomb but I cannot get that creepy to move an inch.

After getting completely soaked I came inside looked at the hole in the ground in defeat and wondered if Father Christmas could still add a last minute miracle and swing a reindeer wand over the pool and make it proper. Will let you know how that goes.

My Moo cards {Kev calls them my cow cards, they a business card for those that don’t know} finally arrived today. Yay! I am always a little bit unsure of the postal system, especially when it is an international delivery from previous experiences so am always relieved when my parcel actually get here. It had this tiny card that said something like ‘Hey! So nice to see you again!’ and it actually made me cry. Seriously.

Victoria very sadly finished holiday club today. She really enjoyed it. The wonderful teacher, who has become a friend of mine, puts so much effort into each day….the menu’s, proper crafts and just awesome fun atmosphere. She deserves a medal in my opinion besides just being a really nice person and pregnant.

My daughter did catch more than a tan, but thankfully the coloured or Portuguese blood came through and the girl is like B R O W N. Fantastic that my kid has a proper skin tone.

Btw, if I am dead in the morning, it is Paracetamol overdose. My tooth has now just crumbled…. every now and again I am removing bits… and it is so sore!!! I am hugely tired of this tooth crap.

Noid and I are finally doing Christmas shopping tomorrow. Living on the edge.

Btw, I made minute steak with haloumi cheese on proper rolls from Spar and they were sooo good. Winner mom I was.

I did phone my Mom to say we can only come for a short bit on Christmas morning. Although she got the logistics of the how and way, she sounded let down and I felt crap.

Did I mention my tooth hurts? …..oh and I am missing Liam who is visiting his father. Such a pain in the ass that boy can be, but I love him.

Will check in on Christmas Eve,

Love, loves –
Wenchy

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left .

Some say…..

Hello dear reader, {and husband}

I am trying to be proper and at least write something for the seven of you reading daily. Ha ha ha! At least it is more than four and thank everyone who commented to remind me I am not actually talking to myself. Not that I object….sometimes the most intelligent conversation one can have!

I have run out of Christmas cards….I did go to have more printed today but in my wisdom didn’t take the bigger pixel size after cleaning up my phone, so I need to go back. Very frustrated with myself I was….especially as the shop is across the shop of Noid’s ex. One doesn’t always feel like dealing with the past.

I have sent out 65 and probably need another 30….and that excludes any international friends. Imagine if we did have a wedding?? Fucking hell.

Since I do not bake anything from scratch, I did order beautiful Christmas tree biscuits for gifts. They really are gorgeous. A batch in purple, and a bath in the traditional festive colours. They made me happy. My very talented friend Will made them who is the uncle of my darling adoptive son, Kyle.

I have still not done Christmas shopping. I know what I am getting Noid and Kyle and that is about it. I have asked for book vouchers for Christmas and putting in a perfume order for ‘Angel’ for Valentine’s day.

Thought occured to me today that I want my tombstone to only say Wenchy with the date I was born and died. Just whatever you do, never ever put me in a wall of rememberance. I have visions of all those people speaking at once like living closely in a townhouse complex and I was much fucking bigger in life to be a small plaque on a wall!!!! Oh and feel guilt and bring yellow roses, visit and tell me your stuff…..then I will spare you a small haunting. Oh, and if Noid saddles up some blonde bimbo with big breast halve his age within a year of my tragic passing, apple orchard for him. No plague.

Is Oupa Mike’s birthday this week. Sure he is eating Turkish Delight wherever he is.

I never did book tickets for ‘A hand full of keys’ this year.

I wish I could go on leave for a very long time and look out over the sea, but it was not be hot and humid but cool with a nice wind…and my hair will do its natural Diana Ross look. 🙂

My tooth is slowly breaking into little pieces… which I constantly feel as I remove it, bit for bit. Not a sexy thought that hey?

I lived alone for years after my divorce. It was tough in that besides never having enough money, I found socialising with couples and families dreadful so I spend time with my kids or alone. I was also physically very nervous on my own and lit the house like a Christmas tree on steroids.

It has been four months this week that I am again living alone. My personal safety issues seem to have improved and I have even managed to sleep with no passage lights. Okay, so the globes blew and me on a ladder rings of a circus elephant doing tricks, but still. I have no TV watching capabilities so I read allot and appear to have found some comfort in solitude. I admit, at the moment I do not feel very social and I much prefer silence.

I see Noid for short periods most days and I do see more of him on weekends. We do stuff with the kids when we all together and on our weekends alone we at least wake up together. We do speak on the phone, email and text so we keep in touch, but not quite what I would say my idea of marriage is although many have assured me it is ideal! LOL

Noid can play as much play station as he wants without complaint, eat whatever and do whatever else men living on their own do…. and I am none the wiser while I can read without noise and spend lots of time in the bath or whatever woman with children do.

Silly stupid examples.

I think I am over the feeling lonely part most of the time…. and have settled into a routine with the kids which is both scary as I guess comfort and acceptance have set in, but cautious as disruption will set in as at some point during the next year it will change again when Noid and I finally live together again.

Life is surreal to say the least.

Besides the mountain top wedding, 2010 can for large chunks of it kiss my lilly white exfoliated ass.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left .

PS. I am sleeping semi nakkid tonight to feel all sensual as I sleep on the edge of my bed. Don’t let the black silk granny panties put you off. Elisa is on leave and I don’t love doing the washing!