I am battling with the weight and exercise thing. BADLY. Perhaps because I did so well for so long in sticking to regular exercise and loosing a respectful amount of weight, I now feel like I am failure cause I don’t seem able to keep it together.
I wanna drown how I feel with stuffing the emotion out with food… am loving a bit of a biscuit!!
I eat because I miss Noid and I am lonely, I eat because I worry about money, or I am exhausted by work demands so eat to feel it is gonna be okay… my insomnia is also getting to me, I am not sleeping enough, or for an extended period….
Exercise seems an exhausting activity. I would rather have a sleep, I am bloody tired… but it simply isn’t good enough!!! I am fucking disappointed in myself.
I need to get back to eating less {and make better choices} exercising more and drinking water!!! I need to feel good enough and it is something only I can do for myself.
On the plus side =
I have a husband who adores me. As I type this, he has gone in search of cauliflower because I said I feel like it. I didn’t ask, I didn’t hint… He just got up and said he will go get me some. I am not pregnant or sick or even down…. He just does so many things for me…just because. I love him very much.
My kids are good…. my job is great…anxiety and depression wise I am doing okay, actually life overall is looking seriously promising … as much as I know I am not defined by this body … for me to feel good enough – I have to kick this body image demons ass…
I am so much bigger than being the fat girl.
PS. I ate a lovely packet of heart shaped biscuits {while typing this} that my Mom in law got me because I mentioned my craving for biscuits…. I am however feeling properly guilty and am off to get some water, and maybe more sex can count as exercise?
See, all is not lost!! 🙂
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Nocturnal Wenchy 
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