High flying adored (Gratitude 3/150)

I feel exceptionally grateful for many things today… I may not be all that high-flying (ha ha ha!), but I am certainly “adored“. Even it is only in Noid’s eyes. 🙂 I just feel hugely grateful for who I am, what I have and those around me who bring cheer and goodwill to my life.

  • I am thankful that I was able to give my mom a phone so she can talk on wassapp with me because we all know I hate speaking on the phone. Yes, even to my own mother. I must say her typing speed is increasing daily.
  • I am thankful I can hear and appreciate music although some would tell me country isn’t music. Up yours, with my regards. 🙂 I’ve got friends in low places.
  • I am thankful for all the socks I got for my birthday. I love choosing a pair and thinking who gave this to me. THANK YOU.
  • I am grateful for a spa bath and a home I love living in…. where I feel more secure, where our kids can ride bikes and go to the park… I am thankful for a hard-working husband who provides me and our kids with so many luxuries and necessities.
  • I am thankful that my first dance with Noid ever was to the “Time Warp“… and that in reality our song is “Dammit Janet!“…. is the only song we ever sing to each other… (so baby, we have a song after all!)
  • I am thankful that although I do not have medical savings left, I had enough money to pay R780 for my latest batch of medication for a sinus and chest infection I picked up straight after coming off chemo.
  • I am thankful that I have made a decision to not continue chemo after 12 dedicated weeks since it wasn’t doing anything. It is horrific and has given me a new understanding for individuals who experience life threatening illnesses. I will never think of illness the same again, and I am THANKFUL for the experience. I am richer for it, for I will now know just how tough and consuming such pain is and will be able to reach out and support others.
  • I am thankful that although I have been ill for what feels like forever, I have been able to work from home and I’m not behind. I love my job, I don’t want to lose it.
  • I am beyond thankful for the three professionals I work with, The Grim, Lady Simba and McBollywood (Yes, I gave my bosses these nicknames). They have been incredible in their support, understanding and encouragement…. I want to include others from work here, but I don’t have nicknames for them and not sure if they want public publicity, so I will just mention Trudy, QB and Jaxie 🙂 LOL Our new branch manager, our outgoing branch manager, generally just the messages I have received. I am touched and thankful more than you will ever know. I feel that I’ve made a difference in the lives of those around me and I’ve touched them somehow, as they have touched me. I am missed! Who knew? I honestly miss being in the office and the fun and laughter, hearing The Grim “sighing“…. *giggle*

The title to today’s entry is from which movie? You all just gonna give it a bit of google, so I will tell you… It’s from the movie “Evita” – sung by Madonna and gorgeous Antonio Banderas.

High flying, adored
So young, the instant queen
A rich beautiful thing, of all the talents
A cross between a fantasy of the bedroom and a saint
You were just a backstreet girl
Hustling and fighting, scratching and biting

High flying, adored
Did you believe in your wildest moments
All this would be yours
That you’d become the lady of them all?

Were there stars in your eyes
When you crawled in at night
From the bars, from the sidewalks
From the gutter theatrical
Don’t look down, it’s a long, long way to fall

High flying, adored
What happens now, where do you go from here?
For someone on top of the world
The view is not exactly clear
A shame you did it all at twenty-six
There are no mysteries now
Nothing can thrill you, no-one fulfill you

High flying, adored
I hope you come to terms with boredom
So famous so easily, so soon
It’s not the wisest thing to be

You won’t care if they love you
It’s been done before
You’ll despair if they hate you
You’ll be drained of all energy
All the young who’ve made it would agree

[Eva:]
High flying, adored
That’s good to hear but unimportant
My story’s quite usual
Local girl makes good, weds famous man
I was stuck in the right place at the perfect time
Filled a gap, I was lucky
But one thing I’ll say for me
No one else can fill it like I can

 

* Picture credit:  Jeanette Verster

 

Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things. (Gratitude 2/150)

My sister, Rentia put on her Face Book status that so would like a kitten. Her husband works long hours and due to her health, she is not able to work…. she is lonely by herself all day.

Now, we all know I am not big on animals, but I have a friend who is, and I thought I would just send her a message and ask if she knew of anyone who needed a home for a kitten. She did.

Lynne replied and said she did know of a kitten and that she was going to take the kitten to a haven, but hadn’t so it must be a sure sign.  🙂 

Lynne is my daughter, Victoria’s best friend, Melissa’s mom. She is giving and loving and passionate about animals. She is kind and fair, and loves my daughter.  Victoria loves visiting Lynne as there are many animals to play with and generally lots of laughter and fun. Lynne is somebody I can talk to without pretense, who laughs and CARES.

Lynne drove tonight from her home, far, far, far out of her way to take a complete stranger, my sister whom she has never met, a kitten. A kitten my sister is so excited about she went out shopping as if she was having a small baby.

Today I am thankful for friends like Lynne who will go out of their way to give to others, when there are people like me who just don’t get the animal thing and give joy to a complete stranger.

Thank you Lynne for caring, thank you for making my sister happy and giving her something to look forward to. Thank you for driving so far out of your way, just because. You are incredibly special and I appreciate deeply what you did. Thank you for loving my kids as your own, for taking time to talk to them, to share a laugh and thank you for loving animals so much that my kids don’t have to go to a petting zoo. 🙂

Dear Lynne – I love and appreciate you. Thank you. xxx

The language of friendship is not words but meanings. 

 ~Henry David Thoreau

….. and I love you so. (Gratitude 1/150)

Life is not sunshine and roses all day long. Not my life anyway. It has been harsh at times, difficult and filled with challenges and guilt I can’t seem to find a recycling bin for. I have experienced happiness in such great abundance that I feel shy to tell when I want to shout from mountain tops. Sometimes life is hiding under the covers and hoping against hope. Sometimes life is lonely in a room filled with smiling faces of people who love you and other times life is sunshine on your shoulders and laughter in the dark. It is fire and ice, extreme cold and wet, met with the scent of blossoms and freshly cut grass.

I’ve been a very fortunate person and have been loved beyond my wildest imagination all of my life. Deeply, intensely and with conviction. I’ve learned that being loved doesn’t make my demons go away, but it does help me fight knowing somebody is going to pick me up, dust me off and help me try again. I’ve learned that I need to let go of the past, live in the present and dream about the future. I’ve learned that the past has had such an intense impact of my emotional self that I am raw, broken in places and cover it up with false bravado and running away when I’m fearful. I’ve learned that I’m afraid to hurt and build high walls with ugly thorns all round so only a select few is let in…. and it harms me locked in and not letting love flow in freely. 

I’ve learned I have allot to learn….. and for that I am thankful.

….. and with that I would like to start off my gratitude journal for the next 152 days until my annual Thanksgiving function. 🙂  It is said silent gratitude is no use to anyone…. what are you grateful for today?

I am grateful Noid took my hand.

And I love you so.
The people ask me how,
How I’ve lived till now.
I tell them I don’t know.

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been.
But life began again
The day you took my hand.

And, yes, I know how lonely life can be.
The shadows follow me, and the night won’t set me free.
But I don’t let the evening get me down
Now that you’re around me.

And you love me, too.
Your thoughts are just for me;
You set my spirit free.
I’m happy that you do.

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read,
All but love is dead.
That is my belief.

And, yes, I know how loveless life can be.
The shadows follow me, and the night won’t set me free.
But I don’t let the evening bring me down
Now that you’re around me.

And I love you so.
The people ask me how,
How I’ve lived till now.
I tell them, “I don’t know.”
– Don McClean

* Picture credit:  Jeanette Verster

An ordinary day.

I promised to write my general daily routine during the week after reading Jaxie’s and Julia’s.

  • 5:30am my alarm goes off.
  • I get up anytime from then to 6:00am depending how motivated I feel, how stiff my body feels, if I am in pain, or how cold I am.
  • I brush my teeth. I am obsessed. If I wake up during the night, I brush my teeth… I easily brush my teeth twice before I leave for work.
  • I take a variety of prescribed medication.
  • Generally, I wake the kids at 5:45am.
  • First Victoria…. I open her curtains, and touch her face, she stretches and asks me to turn the light on and usually gets on with it.
  • Secondly Liam…. I touch his body which generally has very little clothing on… he pretends to get a fright every single morning when I wake him. I open the curtains and he starts complaining.
  • Thirdly Kevin… I walk in, open his curtains and tell him to get up. He generally reaches for me and squeezes my hand and says “hello mommy”.
  • Walking back, I wake Liam a second time and literally pull the covers from his bed or he doesn’t get up.
  • I go downstairs and make tea/coffee for the kids and I. (Noid is usually still asleep at the time that we leave).
  • I set out the lunches with treats and drinks for the kids and add Liam’s meds in his lunch box.
  • Sometimes I throw in rice cakes and a cool drink for myself… sometimes I leave a packet of sweets on Noid’s window wiper of his car.
  • I take out various yoghurt, fruit and cereals for breakfast or occasionally I will cook oats porridge, or scramble an egg depending how SuperMom-sih I feel and call the kids for breakfast.
  • I give Liam his morning meds. He protests and tells me how when he is big he won’t take meds. I get irritated and usually says something really helpful like ‘grow up to be an axe murderer if you wish, just swallow this now’.
  • I go upstairs and bath. Usually use the Tranquil Body Treats Grapefruit range in the morning.
  • Not the most adventurous of dressers I am ready pretty quickly thanks to a Brazilian blow out, always wearing the same jewelry and wearing mostly black clothes.
  • I apply foundation, lipstick and mascara and find glasses with a matching frames to what I am wearing.
  • I check on Liam to see if he has gotten dressed, brushed his teeth…. hasn’t climbed back in bed.
  • I again remind the kids to eat breakfast and drink their tea/coffee.
  • In the old house I use to give them tea/coffee in bed but I can’t walk upstairs carrying so many cups so they must come downstairs now.
  • I check that they packed their lunches. Usually Liam has forgotten and Kevin doesn’t want lunch anymore and eats it when he gets home. Liam may also not like what he got that day and then proceeds to either ‘steal’ a treat from one of the other kids or swap depending if he thinks they saw him or not. Hugely an argument at this point follows.
  • Kevin and I aim to be in the car by 6:40am for the school run. Kevin detest being late for anything and is very punctual and will tell you each day how much earlier or later you are than the day before.
  • I drop Liam first who gets out waving, shouting he loves me and walks like a delinquent across the road – basically like he owns the place.
  • Kevin is minimalistic and carries as little as possible. He will mumble something like cheers, love you, and have a nice day while rocking his head to whatever is playing in his earphones.
  • Victoria’s school is much further so we have more time. She who talks nonstop from the moment we drop Kevin. Sometimes we sing songs only the two of us like or she talks.Victoria always has the most bags and crap that she carries around and takes her time getting out, saying she loves me, not to forget to fetch her after school and to go kick butt at work.
  • By 7:30 I am on my way to work – listening to either 702 or country music.
  • Depending on traffic I will be there around 8:00 / 8:15. I always look for Jaxie’s car.
  • I unpack my laptop, log into the network and phone and banter with the people around me, generally keeping them from working, but in my defense they usually at least laugh.
  • I start working.
  • Back at home, Elisa our housekeeper should be arriving for work round about now…. to clean the house, wash and iron the clothes, put out school clothes for the kids for the next day,change bedding, accept deliveries and  occasionally I ask her to cook rice or mash potato or something and she prepares lunch for the kids for the next day.
  • My friend Mercia (QB) and I usually have coffee just after 9:00 while we talk crap, cry, or laugh.
  • …. then we work.
  • Sometimes I eat something from the trolley that comes round or the rice cakes in my drawer. I am not very good at packing lunch for myself or remembering about breakfast.
  • At 1pm I pack up and leave work for the school run. I usually feel a mixture of relief and exhaustion at this point.
  • On my way home I fit in as much as I can (pick up post, go to the pharmacy, buy bread and milk, put petrol in my car, have a blood test lol, whatever) before I pick up the kids. I have only 15 minutes so it has to be fast.
  • Victoria is fetched first. Usually you have to hoot, wave, act like a mad person to get her attention. She is the queen of chat.….
  • She talks all the way to Kevin school where we once again wait… I bbm him and he will explain why he is late. Usually only 5 minutes, but still.
  • We get to Liam’s school where he waves at us, introduces us to friends sitting on the pavement, tells his friends one day I will have a new car and complains about something as soon as he gets in the car. Generally he asked if I got a call from school, that it wasn’t his fault, makes sure to tell me he has already done his homework or has no homework. Oh and tells me to turn the music down ‘cause he is talking and asks almost daily if we can go out for lunch.
  • When we get home, between 2:30 and 3pm depending if anyone had extra lessons, detention etc the kids all run to the bathroom. All three have an issue with using bathrooms at school and refuses…. Thankfully we do have three toilets.
  • I generally drag myself upstairs, set up my PC and start working again immediately.
  • Kids helps themselves to something for lunch ranging from left over’s from the night before, a cup of soup, 2 minute noodles or a toasted sandwich.
  • Victoria or Liam will offer to make me tea, depending if they want something from me or not.
  • Victoria and Liam do homework…. I work in between helping with spelling and so on… and Liam well, he argues about not having any homework to do. Usually I recommend studying then for an hour or two at which point he tends to remember some or other lost piece of homework he had.
  • At 4pm Elisa leaves for the day.
  • Sometimes late afternoon I may have my nails done, or my eye brows waxed…. or colour my hair…. I go to Weigh-Less once a week… and sadly, have not exercised in weeks. 
  • On the weekends the kids go to their dad I make sure their bags are packed proper and they waiting downstairs, bathed, hair washed, teeth brushed – the works.
  • Round 4h30pm Victoria and Liam head for the park or riding bikes around the estate. Something they would never have been allowed to do at our old place. I so love living here.
  • I work till about 5pm before I go looking for what to cook for supper. Kev use to help out lots with cooking but these days he studies.
  • I carry my phone with me and answer mails as I cook. I hate feeling like I am not on top of things at work.
  • I close all the curtains downstairs and lock the back door.
  • Once dinner is cooking /baking/boiling I go back upstairs and work some more.
  • Victoria and Liam are home round 5h30pm at which time the bath routine starts.
  • Kevin does his own thing, homework, bathing, watching TV and I don’t micro manage him. He kicks ass academically, he comes home from parties and doesn’t do anything hugely bad, so I trust him to be proper and he doesn’t really have a bed time anymore.
  • There are nights (especially chemo days) I have asked either Kevin to cook or Noid to pick up something for supper.
  • I set out the cups for the morning tea/coffee the night before.
  • I also set out the bowls and spoons and cereals for the next morning the night before.
  • Sometimes I bath again….. or check blogs/face book etc.
  • Dinner is usually eaten at 7h30pm. Noid doesn’t come home at a set time, so I try to coincide dinner with Noid’s homecoming.
  • We watch a TV program together while eating (yes, not very family life-like) and chat in between. Sometimes the kids watch with us, sometimes not, depending on the program.
  • I put Liam and Victoria in bed at 8:30pm.
  • Sometimes I may watch more TV with Noid and other times I will read in bed or bath or work.
  • When I come to the bedroom I put our electric blankets on.
  • Generally by 11:00 or so I am lights out. Noid often still watches TV when I go to bed.
  • I take a variety of prescribed medication so I wake up less like a stiff job.
  • My medication makes me sleepy which is great because without meds I don’t sleep….. regardless I still wake up a couple of times a night.
  • Always brush my teeth anytime I wake up and occasionally will check on the kids.
  • Not unusual for me to check face book, e-mails or twitter in the middle of the night….or even pay accounts if it is pay-day.
  • Then we do it all again tomorrow…… unless it’s a weekend with or without kids…. then it all changes.