Nocturnal Wenchy

Life is not sunshine and roses all day long. Not my life anyway. It has been harsh at times, difficult and filled with challenges and guilt I can’t seem to find a recycling bin for. I have experienced happiness in such great abundance that I feel shy to tell when I want to shout from mountain tops. Sometimes life is hiding under the covers and hoping against hope. Sometimes life is lonely in a room filled with smiling faces of people who love you and other times life is sunshine on your shoulders and laughter in the dark. It is fire and ice, extreme cold and wet, met with the scent of blossoms and freshly cut grass.

I’ve been a very fortunate person and have been loved beyond my wildest imagination all of my life. Deeply, intensely and with conviction. I’ve learned that being loved doesn’t make my demons go away, but it does help me fight knowing somebody is going to pick me up, dust me off and help me try again. I’ve learned that I need to let go of the past, live in the present and dream about the future. I’ve learned that the past has had such an intense impact of my emotional self that I am raw, broken in places and cover it up with false bravado and running away when I’m fearful. I’ve learned that I’m afraid to hurt and build high walls with ugly thorns all round so only a select few is let in…. and it harms me locked in and not letting love flow in freely. 

I’ve learned I have allot to learn….. and for that I am thankful.

….. and with that I would like to start off my gratitude journal for the next 152 days until my annual Thanksgiving function. 🙂  It is said silent gratitude is no use to anyone…. what are you grateful for today?

I am grateful Noid took my hand.

And I love you so.
The people ask me how,
How I’ve lived till now.
I tell them I don’t know.

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been.
But life began again
The day you took my hand.

And, yes, I know how lonely life can be.
The shadows follow me, and the night won’t set me free.
But I don’t let the evening get me down
Now that you’re around me.

And you love me, too.
Your thoughts are just for me;
You set my spirit free.
I’m happy that you do.

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read,
All but love is dead.
That is my belief.

And, yes, I know how loveless life can be.
The shadows follow me, and the night won’t set me free.
But I don’t let the evening bring me down
Now that you’re around me.

And I love you so.
The people ask me how,
How I’ve lived till now.
I tell them, “I don’t know.”
– Don McClean

* Picture credit:  Jeanette Verster