Every end is a beginning. (Gratitude 18/150)

I had wondered for a long time when a relationship, or marriage was past it save by date.

The day came and had gone like any other, but as I sat in the lounge alone that night I knew this was the end of an 11 year relationship. I kept thinking that I did not want my sons to think this is what marriage was all about.

Kev was about to turn 4 and Liam James was a baby. It was one of the most difficult processes to go through that divorce, but standing outside the court room many months later, the most immense feeling of freedom, even joy!

I am grateful for the strength and courage to keep going during very hard times, the love of my little boys and my inner belief that we would be okay..and we are in abundance {with thanks to all who helped me raise the brothers and made our lives more meaningful in so many ways.}.

I wish you enough my sons and always remember I love you so.

Mom x

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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? (Gratitude 17/150)

I have finally found something I can give the x-person, who is Scottish credit for. The x-person being my first ex-husband, not to be confused with my second ex-husband. I refer to my second ex-husband as Brian, well because, that’s his name… and then my current husband Noid. Keep up.

I am not the most politically correct Wench, so when the x-person introduced me to Billy Connolly I was well, that will do me!!…. I have a bit of a daft attitude towards what others think of me… and rather fond of the word fuck, so I was set for life.

One of the things I am very grateful for is humour and the comedy of Billy Connolly. I have CD’s of Billy in my car, I have clips on my cell phone… if there is anybody in the world I would like to have dinner with, with all due respect to Mr. Mandela whom I am very fond off, Billy’s beats the Pope and Mother Teresa hands down!

I’ve read Billy’s autobiography and of course the follow-up book and if you take where this man came from and where he ended up, I feel hope for every poor bloody soul in the world. This man made a success from being abused, poverty and looking at his life had no reason to live. Billy gives me hope besides laughing so hysterically that Kevin has asked me to pull over!

Billy has that accent I so love, the wild hair, the who gives a shit way of dressing and I am thankful for people like Billy Connolly who takes everyday sadness and turns it into something to laugh at, to make light out of horror…. okay look I did particularly enjoy the joke about the suicide bomber instructor who said… “well look here boys, I am only gonna show you this once…..”

I love you, Billy. There have been times in my life where you laughed with me to get me through the night so that I could see light because you have seen darkness too. With gratitude.

It’s the woman’s movement. Woman are demanding things. “Give me things! Do things to me! Do exotic things and plenty of them. Tonight, I think I’ll have multiple orgasms”. And I go fucking hell, what? What’s that? “Go for it my boy! Plenty of orgasms, I’ll tell you when to stop”. No sooner had we found the clitoris that we were in search of the g-spot. I don’t think you could find that with a wet suit and a divers helmet. I know gynaecologists that don’t believe in it. You see it’s difficult to be a man. I mean the mens movement in America is taking the country by storm. Right, people and all meeting, but you see films of the woman’s movement… “We want this! And that. We demand a share in that, and most of that, some of this and fucking all of that. Less of that, more of this and fucking plenty of this. And another thing we want it now. I want it yesterday and I want fucking more tomorrow. And the demands will all be checked then so fucking stay awake.”

Brown paper packages tied up with string (16/150)

“Ek het al gesien toe jy nog n kannetjie was jy pas net in jou eie boksie.” -my Mom, Yvonne

Translated it means that since I was little, I only fitted in my own box, according to my Mom. You could not make me do anything I didn’t want to.

My Mammie and I.

Was part of a conversation I was having with my Mom on whatsapp. If you are new to my blog you will not know that I don’t speak on the phone. Not even to my Mom. It makes me anxious….. Something drastic has to happen for me to answer the phone or dial a number… so bbm, sms, email, whatsapp are all good communication methods for me.

It has been an odd time for me with this stupid illness, trying to be a Mom and a dear wife {which is what my sexy husband calls me}, an employee, a sister, a friend…. all the things I am for various people.

I never know how I will feel on any given day. It is frustrating in the extreme and emotionally a roller coaster for everyone in my life, especially for my husband who takes good care of me {imagine the stress and worry about finances alone ~ what will our future hold?} and my kids who try and fill in the cracks, especially Kev who is so aware of when I am okay or not.

My Mom in law who helped so much with Noid’s 40th, my sister in law, Jenni who just started chopping salad when we ran out…. My Mom, Yvonne and my sisters, Rentia and Mary-Ann who I have grown closer to because we can talk on bbm, learn about each other on Face Book. Even my parents in law who sat and talked to me, sharing wisdom because they care. I love you all.

Rentia is 3 years younger than me and my only biological sibling. She is very tall, much louder than me and makes me laugh.

Mary-Ann is 7 years younger than me (we share a birthday) and we met for the first time in March of this year. We have the same dad, who died when I was 11.

The hugely amazing faithful friends I have at work who has gone out of their way to carry my load when I simply couldn’t or just made contact to let me know they care, everyone of you but especially Mercia and Jaxie who has wiped my tears and celebrated good days with me. You are pearls in my invisible crown.

Even my bosses {especially Grim who is always so faithful in his support, encouragement and understanding. I do love you Boss with admiration and appreciation. He is a good man.} has been incredible.

Not sure what I did to deserve so much love, but thank you. My appreciation knows no limits.

In dire emotional, physical or financial spaces there remains so much to be thankful for.

  • I am alive and my Mom tells me her Bible says wonderfully made. I don’t think her Bible has seen me naked.
  • I still have a job that I love and one I feel secure in, regardless.
  • Our new kitten Lady Cayte is settling in and not so scared anymore…. and finally has finally figured out what the litter box is for.
  • My step daughter, Jenna-Lee turns 8 today! Happy birthday sweetheart.
  • I have a husband who loves me and kids who bring me joy {most of the time, this is not a Hallmark card afterall}.
  • Jason and Cindy who are such good company and wonderful friends.
  • Mel who always does my tax, I have a Tranquil Body Treats order to say thank you.
  • All my Tranquil Body Treats customers! Thanks for your loyal support.
  • Oh, I did update my who the hell am I page. Go check it out.
  • I am thankful for the chance to try again tomorrow!

I wish you enough,


PS. DO leave a message, it is so nice to hear from you.

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ϻiϛϛinԍ ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã (Gratitude 14/150)

I never expected to be a cat lady. I make fun of single woman with cats and during my divorce I often said oh shit, that’s gonna be me! Mom even bought me a stuffed cat as a joke!

Then a married me met, ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã. Unexpectedly I fell in love with her because she looked so vulnerable. I picked up a kitten for the first time and I cried. I am thankful that my 38 year dislike for animals turned to compassion.

Noid and I went shopping as if I was about to give birth. I am thankful Noid humoured my first ever pet experience.

ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã came home. Everyone loved her and she was so sweet. She was not overly playful, she never ate lots and was cuddled lots. I just loved her.

Day before yesterday, around 6pm she was sleeping on my lap while I was working. Next moment she jumped up and had a seizure, lying on the ground shivering. I called Kev who she slept with at night and raced to the vet.

The vet examined her and immediately very kindly said her liver is failing and there was nothing we could do. He suggested we admit her overnight but made it clear we were just buying time.

I just couldn’t leave her. We took the meds, fed her with a syringe and made her comfortable. Kev was clearly upset.

On the morning of dear Victoria’s 12th birthday, ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã had deteriorated excessively. She could not hold her own body weight up. I just cried. It was difficult as we knew we had no choice to sing happy birthday to Victoria and have the kids say goodbye.

ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã, my Noid and I went to the vet. I cried. It was horrible. My only feeling that I didn’t want ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã to be in pain. The vet confirmed her liver had failed and there was nothing we could do to make her better. I felt heart broken.

I held and kissed ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã… and the vet took her away.

I am very thankful that I had the time I did with ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã. I finally understood how much a animal could mean to a human, a life lesson to be honest.

Victoria’s bbm status said how much she love ßãƅų Ɠãԍã and that she hoped she liked kitty heaven.

ϻų ßãƅų Ɠãԍã…… Today I kept hearing your bell all day. I missed caring for you, holding you and stroking you. I am grateful you were here, even for a short time.

I cried for you.

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Us of the craft (Gratitude 13/150)

Although I only came to live with my Mom after my father died when I was 11, I am thankful that somehow in my teenage years my Mom had the genius to let me be.

At 11 I pierced my ears for the second time and cut my very long hair off… mostly because I thought my father would be so cross, he would come back. Two decades later the man is still dead, that’s willpower for you!

At 14 I decided to colour my hair. Although I have not seen my natural colour since, I assure you it is much, much lighter than the dark hair I prefer, hence you also colour your eyebrows and wax or shave the rest.

I went for pitch, witch craft black…. dated a bit of a pink rocker {who would later be divorce #1} wore very little clothes, as I only became the size of an African country later in life, and made my face as light as possible with red lips. My Mom suggested stockings for my bare legs….I wore and tore them for effect.

Much like my Kevin I was a very independent teenager. I studied, I got good marks, I went clubbing and was responsible. I did my own thing.

For some reason my AWB upbringing didn’t gel with my soul and I rebelled politically which caused many comments. I couldn’t understand how anyone could declare themselves superior based on the colour of their skin…. and that includes the right to follow a religion of your choice and have sex with whom you choose {personally I draw the line at goats}. I detested that a censor committee got to choose for me what I could read or watch. Fuck off with that idea.

Anyhow, today as I sit here in my fanty house, my very normal husband with gorgeous thighs and many, many children and a cat !! with a respectable hairstyle {me, not the Baby Baby Gaga} in a normal colour… I cherish the bright red stripe in it. I thank my Mom who let me be me and always said what I wore or did, she always reminded herself during my teenage years especially that I had a good heart and a generous spirit…. what I wear may have people judge her and me, but I remained the same person inside, always. She didn’t like what I wore, but it was always my choice how I expressed myself and my journey to find out who I am deep inside.

My poor Mom must have sighed a sigh of relief when I became a Mom and did normal things….. If you call twice divorced and an elopement normal. LOL In my 30’s her sigh got louder with each tattoo I had added, eventually asking me if I think I am a colouring in book…. {15 tattoos later}

I have tried really hard not to raise cookie cutter kids…. It makes their lives harder as they are opinionated, sometimes cross boundaries and don’t necessarily follow the best, nor most appropriate route… but I like to believe they are free thinkers {besides being bloody bonkers!} who have good hearts and generous spirits… and they will find their way in the world.

Thanks Mom that it wasn’t an issue to pencil in a beauty spot like Marilyn Monroe on my wall and that at 38 I still think conformity is for people with no imagination.

Lord Byron did say us of the craft are crazy….. now to figure out what the craft is?

Oupa Mike always laughed and said if I was told go left, I will be sure to make a right turn. 🙂 I think I found my way and Toto we not in Kansas anymore!

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