A life well lived (Gratitude 21/150)

Greetings!

The picture wasn’t taken today, but it does remind me how much I have to be grateful for and all the fun things I get to do besides the ever present pain management and anxiety I try hide. Trying not to mention it daily as I sound like a broken record.

Last night was my boy, Kevin’s 18th birthday party. Yay!! Kev! I took four times my daily pain meds but nobody seemed to notice so I must have seem like my own self just without saying ouch so often.

I do wonder what happened to my old self who willingly and with excitement went for 4km walks a couple times a week. I wonder what happened to my enthusiasm for work, when now I just feel anxious at the thought and I feel I am starting to slip mentally. I don’t like being around people all the time and seek out peace and silence.

I don’t like this me so much as I have gained weight as I am not exercising…. physically I look like me {just fatter than last year} so I don’t think people understand how limiting my life feels. I am exhausted constantly, I have no energy and even bathing has become a chore rather than a Tranquil Body Treats delight. It is messed up! I want my own life back.. I wanna be the little engine that could.

I didn’t win Tranquil Body Treats distributor of the month and it felt crap.

I have started making daily goals for myself. Simple things, little things I have to accomplish that day. Probably everyday stuff to most people but things are not what they use to be and I must accept, deal with, and move on to a new reality with the love and support of my husband, children, family and friends ~ you.

I need to find a path, a plan that works for where I am at now.

Am I scared? Hell yes. Will I find a way? Hell yes.

I wish you enough,
Wenchy

Posted by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left with WordPress for BlackBerry.

12 thoughts on “A life well lived (Gratitude 21/150)”

  1. I know you will find a way!!! And that way is going to be a huge inspiration to many, especially me!

    I too wish you enough, Wenchy.

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  4. I am sorry to hear that you don’t feel comfortable at the place you are now with your body. I can too understand why you can’t exercise – the pain must be excruciating which sucks. Sorry about that too.
    I know you will find a way.

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  7. Ah my friend – I am making daily goals too. I seem to be loosing my ability to remember more than one thing every day *sigh*

    You haven’t seen Jack yet – makes me sad 😦

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  11. I have read and understood.
    I too have mental pain daily, not. As much as you but the remedy I can give is all in the write up I did last year for the prize I won from you.
    Just to be grateful for every little thing. No matter how much I get put down by people and told that I have no dignity, pride and discipline. There is always a world out there and we will never live to see the true end.
    There is not a day which goes by and I don’t think of you and people who are dear to but don’t talk to me, about people that I love but don’t love back and things I used to do and enjoy. This life for me is full of regrets but I know that within myself lies the answer, I just have to find it.
    So, the answer you are looking for is in your heart but you will have to dig deep and I am sure you will find it.
    Like running a marathon, it is all in the mind and people say everything is mind over matter, if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter. (LOL).

    I wish I had half your courage and strength also your ability. You have achieved so much but yet remain humble. For this I love you. Everything is going to be ok (EGBOK)

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  12. One day at a time. One goal at a time. One step at a time. You can do this.

    ps….even though there is a TBT shop in CT, I am still going to be ordering from you. Things have just been a bit hectic with my money. I am currently making up my Christmas gift list so you are going to be hearing from me soon.xx

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