Greetings!
The picture wasn’t taken today, but it does remind me how much I have to be grateful for and all the fun things I get to do besides the ever present pain management and anxiety I try hide. Trying not to mention it daily as I sound like a broken record.
Last night was my boy, Kevin’s 18th birthday party. Yay!! Kev! I took four times my daily pain meds but nobody seemed to notice so I must have seem like my own self just without saying ouch so often.
I do wonder what happened to my old self who willingly and with excitement went for 4km walks a couple times a week. I wonder what happened to my enthusiasm for work, when now I just feel anxious at the thought and I feel I am starting to slip mentally. I don’t like being around people all the time and seek out peace and silence.
I don’t like this me so much as I have gained weight as I am not exercising…. physically I look like me {just fatter than last year} so I don’t think people understand how limiting my life feels. I am exhausted constantly, I have no energy and even bathing has become a chore rather than a Tranquil Body Treats delight. It is messed up! I want my own life back.. I wanna be the little engine that could.
I didn’t win Tranquil Body Treats distributor of the month and it felt crap.
I have started making daily goals for myself. Simple things, little things I have to accomplish that day. Probably everyday stuff to most people but things are not what they use to be and I must accept, deal with, and move on to a new reality with the love and support of my husband, children, family and friends ~ you.
I need to find a path, a plan that works for where I am at now.
Am I scared? Hell yes. Will I find a way? Hell yes.
I wish you enough,
Wenchy
Posted by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left with WordPress for BlackBerry.
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I know you will find a way!!! And that way is going to be a huge inspiration to many, especially me!
I too wish you enough, Wenchy.
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Hell Yes!!
Like that. Allot
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Hey Chris, you will find a way!, you are not one to give up, hang in there..
I also wish you enough !!!
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I am sorry to hear that you don’t feel comfortable at the place you are now with your body. I can too understand why you can’t exercise – the pain must be excruciating which sucks. Sorry about that too.
I know you will find a way.
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Oh yes, you will.I find that my (way smaller) little problem with sleep deprivation is just killing all enthusiasm I could muster in th epast.
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I hope that it will go better for you soon my friend – this is not cool at all. Hang in there!
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Ah my friend – I am making daily goals too. I seem to be loosing my ability to remember more than one thing every day *sigh*
You haven’t seen Jack yet – makes me sad 😦
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Ah Wenchy… I know you’ll get there!
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Take one day at a time, and be gentle to yourself my friend. Love you lots !!!
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Oh, and I have a “One Lovely Blog Award” for you… http://www.angelsmind.co.za/2011/08/10/two-bloggerwards/
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I have read and understood.
I too have mental pain daily, not. As much as you but the remedy I can give is all in the write up I did last year for the prize I won from you.
Just to be grateful for every little thing. No matter how much I get put down by people and told that I have no dignity, pride and discipline. There is always a world out there and we will never live to see the true end.
There is not a day which goes by and I don’t think of you and people who are dear to but don’t talk to me, about people that I love but don’t love back and things I used to do and enjoy. This life for me is full of regrets but I know that within myself lies the answer, I just have to find it.
So, the answer you are looking for is in your heart but you will have to dig deep and I am sure you will find it.
Like running a marathon, it is all in the mind and people say everything is mind over matter, if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter. (LOL).
I wish I had half your courage and strength also your ability. You have achieved so much but yet remain humble. For this I love you. Everything is going to be ok (EGBOK)
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One day at a time. One goal at a time. One step at a time. You can do this.
ps….even though there is a TBT shop in CT, I am still going to be ordering from you. Things have just been a bit hectic with my money. I am currently making up my Christmas gift list so you are going to be hearing from me soon.xx
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