So I have this friend who is going bold … because she can! She’s brave like that.

You know, when I was giving it a bit of chemo drugs last year, I repeatedly talked about not wanting to loose my hair. At that stage my hair was quite long down my back and it was part security blanket, part personality and part ….. what I defined myself as. Nice hair, nice smile and that is about where the nice ended. I NEEDED the hair dammit. It was a really big deal to me.

Thankfully there are many people less selfish, less insecure and a fuckload braver than I am, who don’t need a security blanket made from hair, and whose smile is devine but that is not where their nice ends. Such a person is my friend Jax. We have been friends for over a decade and we have walked a number of roads together.

I suspect the hardest one we are yet to walk will come soon,…. and we have done death of friends, divorce, re-marriages (we keep doing it till we get it right, we optimistic that way) ADHD kids – oh a number of fun and horrible things>  Jax’s mom was diagnosed a few short weeks ago with brain cancer and no they can’t remove it, and no, she is not going to get better and yes, Jax has stepped up and no, her family is not coping. I have known Jax’s mom as long as I have known Jax and the apple didn’t fall far from that tree! 🙂

On Saturday, 3 March 2012, my Jaxie will be shaving her head hoping to raise awareness as well as raise R5 000 for cancer.  Jax shaved her head once before when her then father in law, Albert died… and I took the pictures. I know raising R5000 can be done, little by little, so being 29 February 2012, I ask that instead of asking some guy to marry you, support Jax in her bravery to shave her head – AND MAKE A DONATION. It is really easy, you can give as little or as much as you like, but please GIVE. I need Jax to feel we walking with her. She is not alone and I for one will continue holding her hand,  pushing my way into our giant slipper. 🙂 I love you Jax and I regret I won’t be there to hold your hand or take your picture on Saturday. Imagine me crying again, I know how much you hate that. 🙂

Jax and Wenchy
Jax and Wenchy

Jaxie Dares To Go Bald For Cancer 

Personal message

Thank you for visiting my fundraising page! On 3 March 2012, I will be shaving my hair off in an effort to raise funds for children and their families who are affected by cancer.  Cancer has touched my life personally; the most recent being with my Mom’s diagnosis with Brain Cancer.  In an effort to help those families, I have chosen Rainbows and Smiles as my charity of choice.

Rainbows and Smiles are a small NPO that was started in 2008 by Bonita Suckling after her own son, Jed Brady Thomas, was diagnosed with brain cancer at age 3. She saw what families go through while in treatment and realised there was a need that she could fulfil since she had lived the journey herself.

Sadly Jed passed away on 11 July 2011 after a brave 3 year fight (he was initially given 6 months). Rainbows and Smiles assist families that are fighting childhood (0 to 16 years) cancer with emotional and financial support. They will pay medical bills, buy food vouchers, pay for petrol money, etc as when cancer strikes usually the mother cannot work any longer as the child requires 24/7 care. They also spoil kids while in treatment and support mom’s after a child has passed. Rainbows and Smiles also have a programme where we spoil the ‘forgotten’ siblings as when a child has cancer understandably the parents attention is usually focused on the sick child.

The organisation is run by 6 ladies from their homes – only Bonni does this fulltime, the rest of themhave fulltime jobs so they squeeze in what they can at night and on the weekends!

Rainbows and Smiles operates in Johannesburg, Gauteng
Non-Profit Organisation Number: 085-832
Contact person: Bonita Suckling
Phone: 076 070 3061
Fax: 086 242 3660
Email: bonita.suckling@gmail.com    Website: www.rainbowsandsmiles.org.za

A GENTLE (meaning I may throttle you) reminder, please subscribe to my blog – button at the bottom of the page.

I wish you enough, (and that YOU may never have to contemplate losing YOUR hair)

Wenchy

Day 4, 26 Feb 2012, Sunday, – Down the garden path

Saturday saw us leaving Beaufort West for Stellenbosch. The drive was beautiful.

We checked into Runeveld Country Lodge as Noid was staying the evening before he headed off to conference. It is in a neighbouring town so I dropped him so I can have the car.

The day didn’t start warm but they were just joking, is blerrie hot!!

After dropping Noid I drove around a bit before coming back to the lodge. So peaceful with the beautiful trees and student laughter

I read, relaxed and phone my Mom.

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Day 1, 23 Feb 2012, Thursday – Down the garden path

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Gatiep Dam

Gatiep Dam

Wenchy @ Gatiep Dam

Wenchy @ Gatiep Dam

Gatiep Dam

Gatiep Dam

Noid & Wenchy @ the Gatiep Dam

Noid & Wenchy @ the Gatiep Dam

So bad I have been with updating our tour! Gatiep Dam was a highlight for me. Standing in the Orange River with Noid was pretty cool also…

We went from JHB at 5h05am to just outside Colesberg and slept over at Destiny River Lodge. Functional accommodation on the banks of the Orange River with all you need, but I wouldn’t say luxury. I would stay there again however.

Noid braai-ed for us which is always great! We bought a fridge type cooler box that you plug into the lighter holder in the car, so we brang ready made salads with us.

Noid worked after we watched a couple Survivor episodes on his PC until midnight with very poor signal. I slept.

It was a good day. 🙂

I wish you enough,
Wεnchƴ♥

for Kevin & Kyle

for Kevin & Kyle

Noid sleeping outside

Noid sleeping outside

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Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your childten!

Kev, Victoria. Wenchy and Liam James

Kev, Victoria. Wenchy and Liam James

Douglas, Jenna-Lee and Noid

Douglas, Jenna-Lee and Noid

Nic and his girlfriend, Tash

Nic and his girlfriend, Tash

Kyle

Kyle

Dear family, friend and fuckwits who lurk in the shadows.

It is said that having a child, is to have your heart walk outside your body. I never knew I would end up with my heart scattered to so many children. Those born from my body and those born from my heart.

This year saw Noid and I enter an almost empty nest syndrome. I now get why there is even a fanTy name for when kids leave. Even when you know it is the best possible decision, your heart cries silent and audible tears and although you wear your very in fashion frog eye sunglasses, you feel the odd tear escape to run down my face.. Sorrow encloses your heart and squeezes – it is a taste of hell.

There are a few things I have already learned this year and we are not at the end of February yet.

Children are almost automatically given to moms to raise when getting divorce. Like it or lump it, but kids have a heart string that connects them to their mothers on a primal level which does not belittle the role of fathers one bit.

Moms eventually gets into a routine while mourning a divorce and as finances almost always appear too little. Woman often earn less then men as a given, they depends on fathers to contribute. Unfortunately not all fathers are created equal and some do not pay maintenance on time nor follow a visitation schedules or attend parents evenings, games or take calls from Principals when your kid tries to burn down the school.

We faced some life changing decisions last year after a year of intense illness for me. Medications ran into thousands {Easily R3000 a month with a depleted medical aid} with side effects to match. Sometimes I seriously hoped I won’t wake up. My life seemed to evolve between doctors and specialist visits. I felt guilty being sick and letting the team I love down at work, to the difficulty I experienced doing simple tasks at work and home.

How do you tell your Boss my hand can’t staple this paper today or I seriously can’t lift this file? I hated every second of it but the organisation itself that I had been involved with for 17 years and the people that surrounded me were super supportive and accommodating.

At home there were days I simply couldn’t drive to fetch kids as either my legs wouldn’t work, or the pain was overwhelming or the side effects like feeling dizzy and unsteady or vomiting kept infringing on my life. I felt like a complete burden on everyone around me. Thankfully Kevin and Noid stepped up and did the majority of the cooking. I gained 30kg purely as a side effect to meds which the specialist called “normal”. Fuck that….so you either in pain constantly or set a world record of the fattest person on earth! I chose to be in pain and have lost 12kg of side effect crap so far although I can’t see it on my body.

In our case Nic is now second year at varsity studying psychology. He has a beautiful, very focussed girlfriend named Tash. Nic stays with his Mom, the gorgeous Cal and step-dad Viktor and he enjoys a privileged life on the banks of the Vaal river with his two younger siblings. Speaking to Nic, you would never say so. He is as down to earth, compassionate and loving as a 21 year old can be. I speak more to Tash than Nic but perhaps that is boys becoming men.

Kevin is staying with Noid and I. I have never owned an apron but we are closely knitted. Kevin had brilliant matric results but since he remains unsure on what to study he has a year “off”. However he is working for my friend Natasja and her IT ventures and is learning so much. I am very grateful that she keeps him busy. His personality and mood slumps if it is not directed. I am thankful he is here.

Kyle, my darling adopted son stays with his Dad Edward, his uncle Wil {who makes the gorgeous biscuits} and his Ouma. He remains close to my heart and we chat often. He changed schools to a private school last year to explore his talent in drawing. Very gifted as is his entire family. He is still into body building like his Dad, doesn’t smoke or drink and a health nut and we chat often on bbm.
.
When Liam James mentioned he wanted to move to his Dad every December for the past three years, I finally did not fight it this time. Raising Liam James has moments of intense high maintenance. Liam James needs the outdoors, to swim and climb and his Dad stays near Meyerton on a small holding. We agreed that Liam James cannot function in main stream schooling and set in motion the move which happened end November 2011. Liam James now lives with his Dad Steve, his step-mom of many years Jacqui and his younger sister Kirsten whom he is very fond off.

Victoria had always said she wanted to stay with her Dad when she goes to high school. I was not coping and I felt it unfair that any of my kids should suffer. Moving her in grade 7 was a very difficulty decision, so many tears. I moved schools in grade 7 after my 30 year old father died and found it so very traumatic. Victoria had a different outlook to mine as the primary school is in the same area as the high school she wants to go to, she figured she would now already have friends. She left the same day as Liam James and stays with her Dad Brian and his partner, Stanley.

Douglas and Jenna-Lee stay with their Mom, Jenny {who owns the salon I go to, ⌣̊ ɈƐƞƐƶ ⌣̊} not too far away, near school so they can walk home. They recently got a kitten from my parents.

We see all the kids as often as we can, stay in touch by phone, sms and bbm, still it is tough.

Off course this sounds just dandy except that every time we drop the kids I cry and while I know this is best, I miss them all soooo very much. Noid does better than me as he has been doing this for years but I remember the time when he also cried.

The sad part is that you become almost a bystander to your child’s life and not the parent. Sure every other weekend and halve the holidays when the kids are with you, you have a say in what they wear, their behaviour, activities they engage in and if you agree a movie aged 13 is okay to watch, the rest of the time you have very little say or control.

The entire process of being a part time parent is difficult and makes your heart sore.

As with every lesson in life, you learn. I was always on the other end until the end of last year. I had my kids 26 days and 4 days a month they would go visiting Dad. I knew their other parents missed them off cause but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine how dis empowered they may feel, that they were so sad to say goodbye to their kids. They certainly didn’t have the best of both worlds as I imagined! They could come and go as they please and fetch kids every other weekend.

Another aspect I hadn’t banked on is how you much pressure you put on yourself to show your kids a good time while they are with you because you try to make every second count. You don’t do this to be the cool parent, far from it!!

You want them to be happy, have a good time and when you drop them you want to feel you made an effort so they will know how much you care and love them. I had never before felt pressure to show my kids a good time. Sure, we went out, we did things and it was fun but that was just life, now there is this other ingredient that gnaws at you….. If you can afford it at that moment in time or not.

I found myself with much deeper compassion and empathy for mostly fathers, who are proper, who have to drop kids on a late Sunday afternoon. You don’t want to let go. You try and use language never to make your child anxious but convey you love them and you miss them, and you think of them all the time.

Single parenting is not for cowards and bloody hard……but, being the parent, one step removed isn’t for the faint hearted either. Divorce happens between adults, you never divorce your child!

I challenge especially woman, to put themselves on the other side of the equation and you may surprise yourself in the empathy you feel.

On being proper:

Let me make it clear that I am talking about mostly fathers, as this is the most common demographic who drop their kids on a Sunday, who do want to see their kids, who are not perfect but who are interested in their kids lives and want to be part of them growing up, making a fuss for birthdays and knowing when that is. Fathers who knows their kids need to be fed, clothed etc and that maintenance is not cause the Mom wants to have her nails done.

I feel NO empathy for absent fathers who moms constantly have to drag to maintenance court because they simply don’t get paid maintenance, or who have to explain to their child why once again Dad promised but didn’t rock up to fetch them on Friday.

I wish you enough….
Wεnchƴ♥

Children are a blessing

Children are a blessing

Posted by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Random

Mermaid Wenchy

Mermaid Wenchy

Please play along – place an X by all the things you’ve done. 🙂
 
Shot a gun X 
Gone on a blind date X   
Skipped school X
Saw someone die X
Visited America 
Visited Mauritius  
Visited Europe 
Visited Australia 
Visited Sun City  X
Visited Cape Town. X
Been to  Victoria Falls X  
Been to court.  X
Been lost  X
Travelled to the opposite side of the country (by car!) X
Visited Pretoria X
Swam in the Ocean X don’t like it
Cried yourself to sleep X  many times.
Played cops and robbers 
Played cowboys and Indians X 
Recently coloured with crayons X
Travelled by train  X
Sang Karaoke X
Sang a solo or duet in church X done both  
Paid for a meal with coins only X
Made prank phone calls 
Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose 
Caught a snowflake on your tongue 
Had children  X
Had a pet   X
Been skinny-dipping outdoors  X did it just this afternoon
Been fishing X
Been boating  X
Been downhill skiing & made it down the hill without falling 
Been water skiing X I suck.
Been camping in a trailer X
Been camping in a tent  X
Flown in a small 4-seater airplane Flown in a glider
Flown in a helicopter X
Flown in a hot air balloon.
Walked on a glacier
Driven a motorcycle/been a passenger  X
Been bungee-jumping
Gone to a drive-in movie X
Done something that could have killed you-but didn’t  
Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life  X
Met Nelson Mandela 
Visited Asia
Rode an elephant X
Eaten biscuits or cake for dinner: X
and ice cream for breakfast. X Been on TV.
Stolen any traffic signs  
Stolen any traffic cones
Been in a car accident
Donated blood
Played bowls (old man’s marbles)

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Stars, cars and automatic washing machines

It doesn’t matter what’s inside, is all about being on top, ne? LOL

So during my frantic schedule I manage to surf Black Berry applications and found an astrology one that amuses me. The Gemini sign looks a little like one cartoon character with two heads. Being bi-polar I find this highly amusing as most uninformed specimens think bi-polar equals multiple personality disorder. Not so. Can’t say the same for Gemini’s.

So every morning bright and early as my husband gets ready for work, very diligent and committed as he is, I read the excitement that the stars have fore told for my day ahead. That said, I don’t actually believe in astrology but all the same, I am most fond of comedy. I read the cryptic message and see how it may apply to my frantically busy life that particular day. *cough*

Most days, even I, with a vivid, if not slightly dirty imagination, cannot fit the square peg in the round hole, but there are days the stars are ever so on the money.

Sometimes I even forward my findings to other Gemini’s. I mean, if the stars say I am at a cross road, are they not also facing a cross road? Even if not the same cross road, and we not talking chicken or fish here, should I not highlight to them that should they find themselves at a road with many crosses, it is all good cause the stars will tell us tomorrow what to do? Pillar and strength of the Gemini community am I.

Feeling very under {see not on top} the weather with a touch of a cold or flue {I still don’t know the difference, much like I don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up}, I set out to pick up my son, Liam James {15} from his Dad’s home in the country for the weekend, with my eldest Kevin {18}.

According to Liam James he will be busy for weeks on end with darts {I was just happy to hear he understands there is a board to aim at involved, and it is not a group activity target shooting exercise} and only has this weekend free {this may be the truth, is a little hard to tell with Master James}.

Now, as much as I love my car, I detest driving on the freeway. I don’t judge distance well {which off course I blame on men, one man’s six inches being another optometrists dream}. I feel anxious in the fast lane even if doing the legal top speed cause some fuckwit will come up my ass and if there is a truck in the slow lane I refuse to move over until I am past the truck, and with a personalised number plate people are now swearing at me by name!

Anyhow – with a stop at my Mom’s to fetch Liam James’s spare pair of glasses, I did make the round trip, literally going around the small holdings and on the freeway. I myself am not that brave to live in the middle of nowhere, with no wi-fi spot for miles, no theatre, nor coffee shop to watch people go by, but Liam James appear happy and now refers to me as “city folk”.

I am happy to report that I and my two sons {the biological ones} arrived home safely, but sneezing and a headache the devil himself dreamt up without injuring myself or others.

Btw, why is that road to Walkerville| Meyerton so boring? Except for the short stint I felt we may have taken a wrong turn to Soweto. I was very alert and white there. One must always keep an ANC flag and a hearty “Viva!” handy I always say.

This last bit will be of no interest to anyone but Noid. Babe, I actually went to the kitchen {stop laughing} and saw Germolina clean out that thing in the washing machine you suspected I knew what you were talking about? The thing you said made black things on our clothes? Well, she has it covered or rather, cleaned it! It wasn’t even in my stars!

I wish you enough,

Wεnchƴ♥

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Wenchy 29 February 2012 / 8 February 2012

Our Home

Our Home

Wenchy and Ariel

Wenchy and Ariel

Tranquil Body Treats

Tranquil Body Treats

ABBA at Jo'burg Theatre

ABBA at Jo’burg Theatre

Victoria at Jo'burg Theatre

Victoria at Jo’burg Theatre

My sister Rentia and I

My sister Rentia and I

Rentia and her husband, Johan

Rentia and her husband, Johan

Douglas racing in the man cave

Douglas racing in the man cave

Victoria at Granny's Cafe during our weekly visit.

Victoria at Granny’s Cafe during our weekly visit.

ǶƐƖƖΟ

A bit of a mixture of pictures of the above time period. To be truthful it is just easier than a picture a day!

* I have a flu type symptom with sneezing and headache. Not very proper. I saw on Cal’s status she feels “off” today, I feel the same. My head has hurt all day long, I have drank lots of water as that is suppose to help, and now my nose is blocked. Hate that and hugely thankful that I didn’t have to go to work feeling yuck. Thanks love for providing for me.

* My other pain is still here, I don’t even know what to call everything anymore, so we shall call it, “the plague!”. Hahahah! At the moment “the plague” is running rampant in my legs and neck. Is to the point that I wake up from pain at night.

You have a blind me, cause I can’t see without my glasses, fumbling to the bathroom to get pain killers while trying not to wake my husband. He wakes easily and his sleep is quite erratic so if he is asleep I would prefer to keep him that way! Must be hilarious to witness.

* Noid is working very hard and as always we believe it will pay off in the end. He is very good at what he does. Corporate politics are draining and the work load and management of 20 people who all want attention can’t be easy. I am very thankful for what he does with enthusiasm and he truly puts lots of effort into it, which I don’t think his team appreciate.. I love you and appreciate what you doing. xxx

* Kevin is very frustrated and bored at home. He has dropped over 20 cv’s all over and e-mailed, and has now been to three interviews which exclude the Kirby ??? vacuum cleaner appointment which was a total scam. He is going with his friend next week to book to write his car learners license. I am very thankful that he helps me out plenty with feeding cats and cooking supper. Is a difficult transition if you have no purpose.

* Our Liam James is up to his usual tricks and his step-mom already sms’ed me that he is disruptive, does not understand personal space etc at school. I have attended so many of those meetings over the years. Besides Liam James being Liam James, he seems happy in his new surroundings. He still wants a door for his room cause the dogs jump on him when he wants to sleep he says. 🙂 He lives much further away and driving is not my strength at the moment but I hope to see him this weekend. I miss the funny things Liam James did or said, his remarkable compassion and his care for me. I don’t miss the fighting or the phone calls from principals! I do wish I could see more of him. I miss him.

* Victoria is chirpy and chatty for the most part. We both find it really hard to say goodbye when we see each other. Each time I try not to cry, so she won’t cry, but I have not been successful yet. She has a tight schedule which looks grilling to me but with rolling her eyes, she is submitting to. She enjoys her new school and has made two friends. I know in my heart this was the right move for her but I miss her in so many ways and some days I feel I am walking around with a hole in my heart.

Maybe because she is the girl or that Liam James is older, that makes her not being with me harder? Both are sore, one just hurts more?

I don’t know any news from Nic, Douglas or Jenna-Lee except when we saw them on the weekend they were happy and healthy!

A tiny reminder :
Please subscribe to my b l o g !!!, I am trying to get to 50 subscriptions..The button to subscribe is at the bottom of the page. Thanks my friends!!! 

Your life is your message,
Wεnchƴ♥

katie

katie

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Wenchy 28 January 2012 to 1 February 2012 catch up & 5 things :)

Good morning darlings and lurkers alike!

Lurkers feel free to ……mail me!! mrsk@mweb.co.za , introduce and leave me a message and your b l o g address. 😉

Please subscribe to my b l o g !!!, I am trying to get to 50 subscriptions.. The button to subscribe is at the bottom of the page. Thanks my friends!!! 

5 Things about me: Please don’t break the cycle; it is fun to learn different things about our friends, so please leave your answers in the comment section.

5 names I go by are:
•Wenchy
•Stel
•Vriendin
•Noid calls me “babylove”
•Mommy

5 Places I Lived:
• Potchefstroom
• Kensington
• Greenstone Hill
• Hillbrow
• Orange Grove

5 things I love to watch:
• Reality TV
• Any courtroom/forensic dramas
• Live theatre performances
• Kevin playing guitar
• Victoria telling a story. She does it just like me. 🙂

5 places I have been:
• Lesotho
• Zimbabwe
• Zambia
• The pits of hell
• Heaven on earth
5 people that bbm me regularly:
• Noid
• Rentia
• Jaxie Waxie
• Will
• Kevin

5 things I love to eat:
• Rare fillet steak
• Prawns
• Cup cakes
• Onion rings
• Spare ribs

5 things I love to drink:
• Vodka
• Champagne
• Tequila
• Water
• Sir Juice Orange Juice

5 people I think will respond:
• Rentia
• Julia
• Jenny
• Cal
• Karen
5 I am looking forward to:
• Our road trip!!!!!! 🙂
• Staying in bed on cold days this winter
• Visiting Jenez to be pampered.
• Visiting my fairy g-d child, Ariel
• Losing 7kg before our trip!

5 things I am NOT looking forward to:
• Not seeing Victoria and Liam James enough
• Medical bills that keep coming
• Unpacking the boxes under the stairs
• Kev leaving home eventually.
• The day Billy Connolly dies. Oh it will be a fucking sad day.

My life is my message, what does yours say?

Wεnchƴ♥

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