The road less depressed, but manicaly visited.

ǶƐƖƖΟ –

When I was diagnoses as a manic depressive, now replaced by the cool, epic and trendy word bi-polar disorder, at the age of 14 I can’t remember feeling any different than just having been told I had the flu.

Later, Generalised Anxiety Disorder joined the party. Being who I am, I examined and read up on these issues at and I did not feel defeated. It merely made me feel less alone being able to name what is hurting me. Not an excuse – an explanation as to why I reacted so different to others.

All the symptoms, panic attacks and excessive emotions that pump through me was all I knew. My only reality. I don’t know a time without it.

I accepted me and put my arm around all these heavy burdened disorder words and we evolve to a point where I don’t stand separately from my “disorders” but they are part of who I am.

I was a very independent teenager. I took myself to my first gynae visit annually, dentist visits twice a year, and visits to my GP for all my “madness, toil and trouble”. I asked to be admitted to psyche ward because I was suicidal and a danger to myself at 16.

Nobody suggested I see a psychiatrist or psychologist until I was hospitalised. I spent less than an hour with a doctor I did not gel with and never went back.

I have seen many doctors in the years that followed, looking for answers, a cure!… and I came away with one piece of advise that I steer my lows on. “Thinking about suicide is one thing….when you start planning it…get the hell out of there and get to a hospital!” 🙂

Nobody explained what I had in medical terms, what I can expect to happen, what treatments are available …if I could lead a “normal” life…. no wonder mental illness equalled the flue for me.

Nobody even had the kindness to tell me it is going to be my most faithful mistress who would never leave me, nor forsake me – until death us do part. (I always find it funny that my dark side mistress is female.)

Besides the annoying bone/deep tissue/chronic fatigue the specialist mentioned, as I sit here tonight, I wonder how many things, people, situations and relationships my mental illness have dismantled to a place hopes and dreams go to die.

The problem with mental issues are that you are a high maintenance personality by default. You are not sunshine all day, every day … But when you well, wow! You are mighty fine. Life and soul of the disco ball. Everyone wants to dance around the disco ball…. Very few can deal with no sunshine when she’s gone.

Highs are so high that elopement seems trivial and low is so low that I believe I am not lovable, just as I am – and therefore nobody will love me ENOUGH to STAY.

Some relationships end because people react to my illness and not the core me – but to give them credit, who am I and who is the dark mysterious mistress who is so powerful?

I wish you enough,
Wεƞchƴ♥

PS. If you write “hugs” as a comment to the post I will give you a small haunting. Don’t piss me off.

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Wonderful you!

Wow!

Thank you to the bestest, most awesome, fabulous, handsome, sexy, caring, loving, providing husband in the world for a trip of a lifetime!

Noid truly did everything he could to make our holiday special. From taking me to places he wanted to make new memories in, to new places neither of us had seen to driving 21 hours to get us home (cause he can?).

I LOVE YOU soooooooo much!!!!!

It is so awesome when your dreams transform into reality! There were so many times during our trip that the universe reaffirmed to me that I am exactly where I need to be. Is a great feeling that.

I will still update you on the rest of our trip, but for now, 4827km later …. Sleep!

Noid and Wenchy

I wish you enough.
Wεnchƴ♥

 

Posted by Wenchy from the second cloud on your left with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Tim Duffy

Dear Timmy –

(13 June 1973 – 17 March 1999)

To everyone this is St Patrick’s Day, to me it is the day you died. I didn’t lose you 13 years ago.

I wanted to call you today to tell you I phoned your number and your Mom’s when I was in George, but both just rang. The post office has no forwarding address for you, so no post card for you. I searched for you on Face Book but you not there. I knew you were to cool for Twitter.

I guess heaven is simply too far away for me to reach, or are you still blowing in the wind?

Please don’t rest in peace. Raise hell. I know you will know what I mean. I am always up for a small haunting. 🙂

As you often said to me: “I love you all the time. Sometimes the flame just burns brighter.”

We’ll meet again.

You were enough,
Wεnchƴ♥

PS. Thanks for the Sexy Wench turned Wεnchƴ♥ trademark. I owe you one.

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Down the garden path – Day 13 – 15

Day 13 – 6 March 2012

Mosselbay
Mosselbay

Bright an early we went for breakfast before Noid was off to play Pinnacle Point Golf Course in Mosselbay. He sent me a picture saying he wishes I was with him….. small tear for me. 🙂

Wenchy on the balcony of Bay Lodge in Mosselbay
Wenchy on the balcony of Bay Lodge in Mosselbay

I very happily stayed in that heavenly apartment reading, downloading pictures, reading some blogs (something I don’t do often enough), sitting outside…. I really enjoy that kinda thing, so I really do not mind Noid playing golf.

Noid & Wenchy - arriving at Delfino's
Noid & Wenchy - arriving at Delfino's

When Noid returned we went for a drive around Mosselbay and had dinner at a restaurant I had read about in a travel magazine.

Welcome!
Welcome!

Delfino’s is situated right on the beach and has almost various type of set ups within one restaurant. An area that looked very upmarket, a coffee shop look area and then the one that attracted me who was wearing a dress for a change…. a gypsy, beach sand on the floor setting with old wooden mismatched furniture.

Noid at Delfino's
Noid at Delfino's

Huge mirrors and big cushion chairs – all in different colours, just thrown together. I loved the decor. We decided to have pizza and it was truly fantastic. Highly recommend that, as well as the Milo milkshake I had. By far the best milkshake I have EVER had. Noid even shared a waffle with me which was special since he seldom eats pudding.

Back in our room I once again ‘swam’ in that huge bath. I truly LOVED it.  

Day 14 – 7 March 2012

We decided to be tourists in Mosselbay. We started off at a shop that had a 50% off sale as they were closing down, so we off course bought lots of things at half the price, on things we do not need. Winner.

Before spending money on things we don't need.
Before spending money on things we don't need.

 Across the street is the Dias Museum Complex that had lots of ships stuffs in it and my favourite – the old shoe, post office tree. Apparently way back when the English still sounded a trumpet before attacking you, (how gentlemanly) you would leave your mail in this old shoe under the tree and a passing ship would pic it up.

Posting postcards from the special post box tree
Posting postcards from the special post box tree

This fascinated me and I wrote as many post cards as I could sit under that tree. We walked around the water tanks and looked at all kinds of snails and fish as well as replicas of famous ships and general trading explained, before you could just got to go to the Mall.

Finding Nemo
Finding Nemo

Late afternoon we left for Herold’s Bay where my dead boy Tim’s ashes were scattered. While looking for our destination, we unexpectedly landed on the beach.  I was kinda taken aback, which was probably a good thing. I had a small tear and I actually felt quite peaceful.

We arrived at our accommodation for the next two nights, Dragonfly Cottage which we found on  www.wheretostay.co.za . We also got a Honeystay discount of 15% . The cost of staying at the Cottage is very reasonable.

Dragonfly Cottage in Herolds Bay
Dragonfly Cottage in Herolds Bay

It is self catering, has space to sleep six people, with a loft room upstairs. It is situated on a hill that overlooks Herolds Bay, however the sea view is over a rather overgrown forest type area so I won’t go so far as to say ‘sea view’.   For me that meant two mornings that there was no bacon and eggs. LOL Sounds stupid hey? I really needed a change as I don’t usually eat breakfast until 11am and I don’t generally have bacon and eggs for breakfast. 🙂 The Cottage has beautiful purple stained glass on the front door and a huge giraffe inside, reminding me that nothing is random. I am right where I am supposed to be.

Day 15 – 8 March 2012

Noid left really early to go and play a golf course designed by Ernie Els called Oubaai. He enjoyed it very much and sent me pictures along the way. I stayed in bed most of the day, checking out Face Book, reading, talking to my sister, Rentia on bbm and also my Mammie.

Noid was back by lunch time. We took a drive to George and I must say I wasn’t really even moved to take a picture. We drove to the nearest beach, Victoria Bay. 🙂

Victoria's Bay
Victoria's Bay

I was making new memories with Noid (his words) and mentally I could feel how far I have come as we stood on the beach eating ice creams (that messed all over my top). I really do love Noid. It is always wonderful to be with him when he is away from work, relaxed and chilled. The trip has been really meaningful for our relationship.

On our way back, we stopped and had dinner at Dagon’s Cove in Herold’s Bay. It looked most inviting and pretty little lights and a proper view of the sea. We even saw the sunset with beautiful pink decorations, just for us. I had ribs which was very nice, and a milo milkshake which I did not enjoy. Noid ordered steak which was totally overdone and I really thought he should send it back, but he insisted that he is on holiday and will just go with the flow.

Dutton's Cove in Herolds Bay
Dutton's Cove in Herolds Bay

We spoke for ages and it was more about us being together, than a dining experience as the food was totally average. We came back to our Cottage, Noid did a load of washing, I blogged and eventually fell asleep. Noid fell asleep in front of the TV (after I had tripped the power in the middle of Top Gear LOL) and I eventually felt him next to me round 1am.

I had a most horrible night and woke up from pain around 2h30am. I took meds and eventually fell asleep, only to wake again with the pain still there, took more pain killers and in swallowing the tablets I got hiccups which woke dear Noid. Shame, to have such a strange wife. I got up, wanting him to go back to sleep, drank some water, made some hot chocolate and ate a marshmallow and the hiccups stopped. Yay! I struggled all through the night and woke up at 7am still in pain. I will ride the wave, reminding myself that the pain will go again. It always does! (positive affirmation, en so)

I can’t believe we have been on holiday for 15 days already. It does not feel that long at all. 8 days remain (said in my Survivor voice), with so much still to see. 🙂

We are off to Knysna today….. super excited. 🙂 …. but first we going to have an outside shower. Double 🙂 🙂

This is as green as we go. Showering outside. Nakkid.
This is as green as we go. Showering outside. Nakkid.
 
This is my 807th post since I joined Word Press. Please say hello? Just for today, let out your inner lurker.

I wish you enough,

Wenchy

Down the garden path – Day 10 – 12

Day 10 – 3 March 2012

Arabella
Arabella

Now this was a day that Noid was so excited about. We had to leave really early although we only had 30km to travel; Noid walked so many times up and down to carry stuff to the car. Let’s say we don’t pack light…. and we were on the top floor (no lift)…. I had finally found something to give Noid for Christmas, yes, it is now March. A round of golf at “Arabella Country Estate” and a night of sleeping in this exquisite establishment.

Noid
Noid
Wenchy and Noid
Wenchy and Noid

The golf course was beautiful, awesome views and well, one really couldn’t hope for more. It felt like your every need had already been met before you knew you had a need. It came at a steep price all this clairvoyance, R20 for a tin of coke kind of thing. I only went with on the cart for the first 9 holes and then made myself comfortable in one of the many lounges where I ate cheese cake, drank a latte and listened to the people with many colours speak.

Arabella - Cheese Cake
Arabella - Cheese Cake

The accents and the pronunciation are so spectacular that it is free comedy at its best. I really enjoyed just listening, although I did literally laugh out loud ONCE and the people of many colours looked at me. It is just there I was reminded about their gang mentality and a knife is not how I see my life ending so I laughed inside my own body instead. 🙂

Noid posing çause that is what he does. LOL
Noid posing çause that is what he does. LOL

We booked into our key card room (I remember us being locked out of our own room – by me – at 1am in Zimbabwe last year, laying on the floor laughing while waiting for the night manager – pathetic and not even drunk) and off course the room was lavish with every comfort imaginable.

Lead me not into temptation.
Lead me not into temptation.

It was all very stunning with a view of the lagoon, a king sized bed and well, dear Noid was asleep not long after the Cheetah’s game (they lost, so best he sleeps).

View from our room
View from our room

I didn’t feel all that well and also went to bed round 6pm and woke up at 11pm. So, no dinner for us. No hunger either. I was in a tail spin and feeling very crappy because I slept through my 8pm call to Victoria. I hate that feeling. I read the YOU magazine (don’t judge) and again fell asleep.

Day 11 – 4 March 2012

We were up just after 6am and I had a Tranquil Body Treats Vanilla bath while Noid and I chatted. The room is such that these huge bamboo type doors open the entire suite up so you can see the full bathroom from the bed. Noid made me tea, with a biscuit which was very cute. Finally we went to have breakfast. The breakfast was the usual hotel fare and the people around us were strange for some reason. The world seemed to loud for me this morning. Okay I felt like I was also strange as Noid told me I look old. Like a Granny! Not a very nice thing to say. I think Liam James and Noid may be related. They both say whatever comes to mind with no stop sign. Back in our room I phoned Victoria, I finished my writing for today, Noid nodded off (he snored bloody loud)…. And now I am going to pack as we are off to see the most southern tip of Africa today…. We had not booked anywhere to sleep for the next night… so let’s see where we end up. 🙂 We went through many little towns and saw lots of wonderful sights.

Lots of Victoria everywhere~!
Lots of Victoria everywhere~!

I MISS MY KIDS!!!!!

Playing with my Canon.
Playing with my Canon.

Such a familiar site in South Africa. A random burned out taxi.

A lonely boat

Harbour

Just the two of us

Smelling the roses

 We ended up at “The Arniston Hotel & Spa” – at first we debated as the bed and breakfast price was a tad on the high side and having just stayed at Arabella our budget was a tad on the over the edge. We decided to check it out all the same.

Our room
Our room

Sherry

In the end we had a dinner, bed and breakfast reservation with a free seafood platter (There was crayfish, mussels, calamari, line fish, prawns, rice and veggies and it was supurb!)

Our complimentary seafood platter
Our complimentary seafood platter

The staff is efficient, friendly, driven to please and make your stay as comfortable as possible. Due to Noid’s excellent negotiation skills, in the end we had dinner, bed and breakfasT (and a spa treatment) for less than the original bed and breakfast price!

Arniston from our balcony
Arniston from our balcony

What a wonderful find. It is a four star hotel and they delivered in all the right ways.

Day 12 – 5 March 2012

I had a hot stone massage straight after breakfast and it was glorious!  Wish one could start every day like that.

Wenchy
Wenchy

We left Aniston after 12pm and stopped in Swellendam to say hello to Noid’s brother, his girlfriend and her son. Well, that turned into a round of golf at the Swellendam Golf Club, which I can only describe as resembling an old church hall. I chose not to sit on yet another cart, and instead I made myself very comfortable in the car with the phone charging, playing around on the net and drinking my juice.

Swellendam
Swellendam
Brothers
Brothers

Darryl, Noid, Sera and Jethro

We left Swellendam and finally arrived at our destination for the evening, Mosselbay – a guest house which was recommended by the Manager of the Aniston Hotel, Rodger just after 7pm. Bay Lodge on the Beach is one of the nicest guest houses I have ever slept in. Their web site is a bit outdated and the pictures does not do the establishment justice – it is oustanding.

Wow!
Wow!

Once again, Noid played his magic and again, we got discount on our room rate (it helped that we had the same surname as the owners LOL) and wow! 

There was only one room available, what I can only describe as a honeymoon suite on steriods – not champagne, or roses or oysters could have made it prettier. The room has a floor to ceiling view of the beach… and stairs going straight onto the beach. No road, no bush, nothing – you, step, beach. Wow! The room has a huge balcony that offer a spot in the sun for two deck chairs and another shady spot that resembles a dining area. There is the normal coffee/tea making facilities with a bar fridge and a TV with all the right chanels with plush chairs to sit in. The king size bed which is not two single beds pushed together is so big that I couldn’t find my husband. LOL The lights and fan all work off remotecontrol, air-con, fluffly bedding, the works. There is a dressing room with a build in table which is actually as big a a room – and a bathroom… wow!

Very proper bath that!!
Very proper bath that!!

You can swim in the bath. Noid and I are not small people and we both could comfortably fit without even touching, huge shower and a night light to help you find your way not to wake anyone. I am suitable impressed – and we immediately booked a second night! It’s tremendous.  

You can't say I don't share, right to the toilet paper!
You can't say I don't share, right to the toilet paper!

I wish you enough (and thanks for the fish!),
Wenchy