Nothing like a wet, stormy night with wind whistling around the corners to ignite the passion of soul searching.
I am reading a book in which a woman shoots and kills her elderly step-father who had sexually and emotionally abused her as a teenager, and later her younger sister.
When her younger sister commits suicide as an adult, the woman kills their abuser.
She hands herself over to the police immediately, admitting her guilt. When asked repeatedly if she regretted her actions, she says she had no choice. She had to kill him.
Premeditated. She planned her actions and killed someone who had caused her to die inside and change the course of her life and her belief about herself.
My 1st step-father was a drunk. A man with money, his own business, a pretty wife, a lovely home and a luxury car – but a drunk asshole. He would occasionally be drunk enough to climb into the wrong bed. He would grope and I remember feeling plain irritation as I would shout for my Mom to please fetch him.
We didn’t get along – ever. I hated how he treated my Mom and how he gave and retracted attention from my sister. He was a self-centred ass. There were daily screaming matches. Between us with language any sailor would admire. It was the breakfast of champions, served cold. I hated him.
Someone once said to me that I didn’t mind his money. You know what? He could never compensate me enough for what he did.
The things he said to me changed my perception of life. Who I was, who I could become, and how a naïve young girl believed his LIES. I think even if he paid me in gold daily, all the days of his life, he could never repay me what he had taken.
I clearly didn’t kill him. I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible but I don’t blame the girl in the book and I do understand why she felt she had to kill him.
My Mom divorced him when I left school but I couldn’t wash his words off me. I felt relieved when he died years later – alone. Dare I write I was happy?
(Book: “Die staat teen Anna Bruwer.” Anchien Troskie as Elbie Lotter)
Posted by Wenchy♥ from the second cloud on your left with WordPress for BlackBerry.