Exit stage left.

Doctor looks down… words almost a whisper. “You have cancer.” Patient looks up, (devastated) with many questions and tears in her eyes. Doctor gains composure. “Now, now, just pull yourself together and it will all be fine. You didn’t give yourself cancer did you? So choose not to have cancer! Right off you go then.” Confused patient exist stage left.

Imagine.

Yet, be it a mental health illness, that is what society is telling you. You are the cause of your mental fuckwitness, so sort your shit out, get with the program and off you go.

The past weeks, which turned into months have been unpleasant at best. Here and there a small display of a promising light, perhaps even a firework display or two, but the darkness as always a faithful mistress.

Mental illness, or circumstantial evidence galore, am I a slave to the mistress, or is she to me? In my search in forever after, it can be said, she has been the most faithful and long suffering. Though the suffering is mine. My breath her delight.

Anxiety is chasing me. Every day I have battled this drama inside my soul, doing my utmost to curb the fear gripping my heart and pulsating in my veins. Get up. Be useful. Find purpose. Give of yourself. Be present in the moment. Do something meaningful. Basics, Stel. Believe you are enough, just as you are. See the light. Believe. This too shall pass. You can do this. Dark chapter, not Stephen King novel. Turn the fucking page.

Yes, I am drinking my meds. Gym is helping. Positive step for mind and body. Winner. 🙂 The episode will pass again. I know it will, no matter how long it lasts, it always goes again. I have been surfing this wave for at least 34 years, I know the drill, yet have never figured out how to recover faster. Visiting both polars are exhausting.

Get out the black hole. Believe you are whole. Laugh. Live. Love.

Find me.

I wish you enough,
Wenchy

Dreams be dreams.

Do you smell it? Can you feel it?

I lie in bed. Naked with my towel around me. Protected, yet vulnerable. I snuggle into the duck feather duvet. A luxury of light weight fit around me.

The softness a stark reminder of yesterdays carefree days. I close my eyes a little tighter to hold the precious emotion just a second longer. I see you *smile* and I feel the wind in my hair. Happiness washes over me. It soon disappears.

The darkness hangs heavy in the air. No light can dance brightness, no sunshine brings a new day.

A saddened soul, an emotion manifests inside, uncomfortably catching you unaware.

I take a deep breathe. Do not open your eyes. Keep the faith. Exhale with expectation. Nothing.

Can you feel it? Do you smell it? Don’t.

Afrikaners is plesierig!

Hello!

My sussie Rentia het die vraelys vir my gestuur. Julle kan saam speel en vir my ‘n boodskap los? Asseblief en dankie!?

1.WAT IS JOU EERSTE NAAM? Christel-Michel

2. IS JY VERNOEM NA ENIGE IEMAND?
Ja, my Ouma Chrissie en my Oupa Mike. Wat baie nice is, is dat ek nou my Ouma se nooiensvan het. 🙂

3. HOU JY VAN JOU EIE HANDSKRIF?
My handskrif is bi-polar soos ek. Dit lyk nooit dieselfde nie.

4. WAT IS JOU GUNSTELING MIDDAGETE?
Gewoonlik eet ek ‘n kaas en tamatie snackwich. My gunsteling is enige iets wat ek nie hoef te maak nie.

5. AS JY ‘N DIER KON WEES, WAT SOU JY WEES? Kameelperd

Kameelperd

Kameelperd

6. HET JY N DAGBOEK?
Nie meer nie. Ek skryf hier.

7. HET JY NOG JOU MANGELS?
Nee.

8. SAL JY BUNGEE JUMP?
Nee.

9. WAT IS JOU GUNSTELING ONTBYT?
Wimpy Farmhouse.

10. MAAK JY JOU SKOENVETERS LOS AS JY JOU SKOENE UITTREK?
Nee

12. WAT IS JOU GUNSTELING NAGERG?
Creme Brule.

13. ROOI OF PIENK?
Albei

14. WIE/WAT MIS JY DIE MEESTE?
My Oupa Mike en Ouma Chrissie en om al my kinders saam te he.

My Ouma Chrissie en Oupa Mike

My Ouma Chrissie en Oupa Mike

15. SAL JY GRAAG ‘N BRIEF OF BLOMME WIL HE?
Brief….dan blomme.

16. WAT IS DIE LAASTE DING WAT JY GEEET HET?
Gisteraand: lasagne, pampoen, spinasie en slaai.

Gisteraand se ete

Gisteraand se ete

17. WAT DOEN JY OP DIE OOMBLIK?
Le in my bed.

18. AS JY ‘N INKLEUR KRYT WAS, WATTER KLEUR SOU JY WOU WEES?
Pers.

19. WAT IS JOU GUNSTELING REUK?
Noid.

20. WIE WAS DIE LAASTE PERSOON MET WIE JY GEPRAAT HET?
Kyla.

21. WAT IS DIT WAT JY EERSTE OPMERK VAN IEMAND?
Of hulle oe saam met hul mond lag.

22. HOU JY VAN SWEM?
Dis okay.

23. GUNSTELING DRANKIE?
Strawberry Dacquiri.

24. WATSE KLEUR IS JOU OE?
Bruin.
25. DRA JY KONTAK LENSE?
Soms. Ek is baie blind.

26. SCARY FLIEKS OF ROMANTIES?
Romanties.

27. WAT IS JOU GUNSTELING ROOMYS?
Vanilla.

28. WAT IS JOU GROOTSTE VREES?
Dat een van my kinders voor my sterf.

29.WAT IS JOU OUDERDOM?
39 jaar, maar 14 vir altyd. 🙂

Christel-Michel Kruger

Christel-Michel Kruger

Ek wens vir jou genoeg,
Wenchy♥

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