Dear friends and other interesting creatures,
To say I am fed up is to say Elton John is camp. He is not camp, he is queen without borders.
It has been a week now of chronic pain while experiencing a flair up of Fibromyalgia. Some days I have been able to cruise on painkillers, (unfortunately not mood altering, asshole drugs, – very beige) and get through the day. Other days I cry and feel huge anger towards my body. Why can’t you just be proper?
The overall feeling of stress encourage the idiotic pain and at some point bi polar kicks in and we have us a party. What stress could I possibly have? I invite you to strap on my boots and give it a bit of a walk. Just around the block will be fine.
Last Saturday morning when I was crying very loudly, I considered it is time I be admitted, hit the big guns for pain relief. Beem me up to the good stuff Skattie!!!
I imagined telling my kids I am in hospital and I know the fears, anxiety and worry as my Mammie, sister Rentia at the baseline have the same illness – Ankolysing Spondylitis. I worry every time they in hospital.
I have Fibromyalgia as an added party trick, Rentia added Lupus to outdo me, (your strength is beyond Brave heart) and my Mammie is on a run away morphine train of her own.
This week I had to cancel all my events. I detest doing that. I feel I let down those that invited me. I can’t get the messages across that I want to, but above all it makes me feel unreliable.
I hate that. I hate that this crap is stealing moments, days from this life. Seriously have I not added enough comic relief to the world already?
This morning as I turned my electric blanket up to aid the pain, I realised that once again, as in the 18 years I have been blogging, I can use this platform to give a face to chronic illness. One where you are not missing a limb, there is no flashing arrow above your head (Not just mental! ) but you actually are in very real pain.
I am very blessed that for the most part I function just dandy and my flair ups are scattered and I have to be patient and let it rage through my body and then I move back to managing the illness. Problem is I was NOT born with patience.
I wish you enough,
Posted from the second cloud on your left.