How can I try to explain?


Dear Kev,

What the world will never see is my delight in a little boy being born,  exactly like I ordered him.

Stubborn,  headstrong, sensitive and kind. Opinionated, clever, funny,  talented… my boy who plays the dark side of the moon as if it were notes dancing on his guitar.

They will never see the 4 year old boy hysterical to get out his car seat, to get to his mom because she is crying next to the road, with her shirt torn open. Nor the 12 year old who baked cupcakes after 10pm cause it was mom’s birthday and nobody celebrated.

They don’t know how quickly you needed to grow up because you were stronger in that moment,  and when you weren’t,  I was there. A tag team when you should have been a boy.

They don’t know your support in moments of heartbreaking pain,  when you yourself was hurting. You stood next to me when we said goodbye to those we loved. You never turned away.

They will never see the tenderness and commitment with which you have loved me. Your generous spirit in taking care of what you have claimed as yours. They don’t know our 3am.

They don’t see you holding my hand as a 14 year old during a mammogram because a doctor found a lump. Telling me it doesn’t matter,  we have each other. It will be ok and it was.

They don’t see our loud laughter at the jokes we share, or the past we attempt to make light off. They don’t see our secret world of tears, or our moments of extreme appreciation. They don’t hear you say “I love you” regardless of who is with you.

They don’t see my shouting and you respectfully just saying “Yes”, both of us knowing you totally disagree, but one never raises your voice to a woman.  Especially not your Mom and definitely not your sister.

They don’t know your thanksgiving at my sometimes royal screw ups and that you saw them as necessary to form who you are today. Lifting some of my feelings of regret and wanting to beg for forgiveness.

They don’t need to. They only need to see the man you became…. and that man, speaks louder than words ever could.

With huge gratitude, endless love and appreciation, you are my sunshine,
Nancy x


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My picket fence of many colours.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I wonder if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.
– Debra Ginsberg

4am. Nocturnal in Narnia. Fresh out the closet. I listen to birds waking up in the urban jungle, surprised that I don’t hear anything else.

A warning that the content of this post will be utterly random and thoughts will be written in a first thought,  first typed manner. Gooi mielies.

My son Kev and his girlfriend Kath stopped in today. Yay! Love a visit from my (older) kids cause it meant they purposefully came to see me. It was their choice and they chose to spend time with me! I sound like my Ouma Chrissie.

When your kids are small they hang onto your leg,  usually making annoying demanding type sounds that if you remotely honest,  can be very irritating. You can’t even go to the bathroom alone. Somebody is always knocking on the door!

Then they grow up and you want to hang onto their leg… Soon they will need to take you to the bathroom,  telling you not to lock the door because you are old and may forget where the hell you were going or lose the ability to unlock a door. Oh and when you take forever in the bathroom cause your legs have lost all feeling, somebody will be knocking on the door asking if you are okay. See the circle here?

Why didn’t anyone ever tell me how utterly disillusioned and remarkably weird “empty nest syndrome” is? It’s a thing! It leaves you questioning what you suppose to do with yourself now? What will you do with all that glitter you have left over from when you use to write them cards and letters for Valentine’s Day, Easter or cause it’s Tuesday and you feel really bad about your post work, pre dinner meltdown the night before?
Besides my last wedding when SirNoid and I eloped, one had to attend preparation meetings with either a minister or counsellor before the church would marry you. It clearly was waisted on me and various grooms looking on how well it all worked out.

When you have a baby some useful, tired looking mom will give you a book “What to expect when you expecting” and there are classes on offer to teach you how to breathe. I’m more of c-section, prescription meds kinda girl and got breathing down fairly early in my life, so I chose to skip the classes.

Nobody hands you a book, offers you a class or even checks your breathing when you children grow up, leave home and make their own way in the world. You are on your own. Good luck! It is not bloody funny.

Yes,  there are perks to having grown up children. They don’t need you to give them tea in bed, put out their work clothes, get them dressed and fed, nor remind them to pack their lunch you made the night before. The boss won’t phone you because your angel takes extended lunches. Generally you will not be fetching your grown child from work, serve them dinner and make sure their to do list is actually done. You will be able to go to the bathroom, travel as money and commitments allow without having to find someone to look after the kids. You can even go out on a school night and have noisy sex with the door open! Bonus.

As grand as that may sound, you never stop thinking about your kids. Their concerns become your concerns, their excitement,  becomes yours, when they ill you will visit Woolworths and take them soup, just after buying a pharmacy of medication for the common cold … their new “love interest” becomes your research project. You give exceptional Google.

Once a parent, always a parent. There is no difference to me between the children I carried under my heart and those who were born in my heart. I chose to love, support, encourage, laugh and hold their hands in sad times.

Loving a child is not an 18 year long commitment. It is your heart and pieces of your soul joyfully roaming the earth without the need for your permission and no understanding of your concern.
Letting go is difficult, but seeing them navigate life on their own terms is remarkable.

I wish you enough…

Glum … to every day glam!

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I have always wanted dramatic,  long, fluttering “damsel in distress meet drag queen” eye lashes.

Maybe it’s all those years of tap dancing that is shining through in my middle age? Liza Minnelli eyes. Yes I know. Such a wallflower I am. Who would have thought?

I’ve experimented with the stick on with glue strips (DIY of beauty, false eye lashes) for different events. While I quite fancied the Kardashian collection, I quickly realised I’m totally out of my league.

I do not have a steady grip as the Ankolysing Spondylitis has not been kind to my hands. (Soon I’ll be my own Halloween outfit hahaha! Oh such truth in jest…)  Besides that,  DIY is so not me!


I met up with gorgeous Bailey (how pretty is this girl!?) who is the Owner / Beautician of Glam Lashes last week.

I purposefully did not apply any products to my face that morning as I had read that is the proper thing to do. I looked most unattractive but thankfully Bailey is a professional! I do however own a mirror… so well done on not running.

Bailey specialises in eye lash extensions in the comfort of your own home. She travels in a radius from Randburg to Bedfordview, in the Johannesburg area with her “pop up salon”.

I was impressed with her professionalism in setting up a suitable time, answering many questions, confirming our appointment, arriving on time and loved chatting to her while she did her magic. She is very particular about cleanliness and hygiene which I was happy to see. Bailey let me lead the conversation as to not be intrusive, a skill I greatly admire.

She used a mink lash product called, “The Lash Collection” as it is lighter on the eye lid and more durable. She also does brow shaping and colouring on request.

I obviously Googled the topic extensively….and here are her answers to some of my many questions.

There are various ways to apply lashes to meet “the look” every individual is looking for. So yes,  you can have a more natural look. We can’t all be Liza!

Each lash is placed individually.

A full set of top lashes takes approximately 90 minutes to apply. She recommended only doing the top lid as one does not want to look like an owl. Not even a tap dancing owl.

A new set of lashes will last 2 – 3 weeks before a fill would be necessary as your eye lashes replaces itself in cycles every 30 – 60 days. (I did not know that.)

There is a specific eye lash cleanser to use daily. Bailey is very diligent about hygiene and went over the do and don’t details thoroughly.

You no longer need to apply mascara which is a winner for me. While I may enjoy looking proper on occasion, I do not have a great make-up skill set.

Oil based products need to be kept away from your new lashes.

I took a “before” and “after” pic of my lashes… as well as a picture after I had done my make-up. Cosmetics are such a blessing! (I was so happy with this picture.  No filter or anything.)

A couple days later,  I am VERY pleased with the results….very Cabaret!  🙂


I wish you enough,

Girl Power!


Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

Just because the girl next to you is beautiful / gifted / smart / skilled / inspirational …  does NOT mean that you are not. To recognise a talent,  attribute or skill in another female,  is not competition – it’s truth!…  and it’s okay!

I encourage you to give another woman a sincere compliment today. You will not become less because you gave more. A kind word.  A humble deed.  You will continue to shine just like before. It will take nothing from you.

Woman who are comfortable in their own skin, support and encourage each other. There is no need to break anyone down.

There truly is enough sunshine for us all.  Happy Woman’s Day!

Posted to WordPress from the Galaxy of Samsung from the second cloud on your left.

The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame. – Oscar Wilde


Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

It’s similarly to feeling a warm, naked body next to you on a cold night. Listening to rain drops dancing on a tin roof. Drinking champagne in the bath. Candle light creating shades of wonder on a clear wall… Why would you punish yourself? Delight!

There is a world for the taking. Read. Words are magically. Stories take flight. Imagination has no limit.

I just finished “Sluipmoordenaar van die staat” by Anemari Jansen.  Now (light) reading “The Liar” by Nora Roberts. I’m wanting to read “The girl on the train” by Paula Hawkins next.

Any recommendations or reviews to share? What are you reading?

The library is inhabited by spirits that come out of the pages at night.  – Isabel Allende

I wish you enough,