You are on your knees before it, and it laughs.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I was diagnosed as bipolar before it was trendy. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder which means anxiety is in jest, my default emotion in truth.

A friend on Facebook posted pics of famous people also diagnosed as bipolar. They all smiling, looking perfectly normal. Why? Because normal,  is a setting on a washing machine.

I would love to see your mental illness. This is me:

image

Break the stigma. If you have diabetes,  you would say so,  being treated for a mental illness is no different.

I wish you the spin cycle,
Wenchy

There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendously.

The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people.

Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one’s marrow.

But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorption on friends’ faces are replaced by fear and concern.

Everything previously moving with the grain is now against– you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and enmeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind. You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.

Kay Redfield Jamison,
An Unquiet Mind:
A Memoir of Moods and Madness

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8 thoughts on “You are on your knees before it, and it laughs.

  1. After 12+ careers, chaotic relationships and constant restlessness I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 51. Suddenly things started to make sense. It is something I have to work on everyday alongside the ever present anxiety and depression but knowing and being able to talk about makes a big difference. And for those reading this, ADHD is not all about Ritalin and it is not only a childhood condition where kids are hyperactive. More than 80% of all addicts have ADHD because we self medicate.

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    • Thank you for sharing! By being open, educating others and provide support, it is the only way we will end stigma. My son was diagnosed with ADHD many, many years ago. Without Ritalin he couldn’t read, so there is a place for all meds and treatments. Besides ADHD is a neurological disorder, unfortunately it is often accompanied by depression and anxiety. I truly love that you shared your experience. xxx

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  2. Lia Marus says:

    It takes such courage to share something like this and bare your soul. I am living with blindness in one eye – and it takes a lot for people to understand it. Hence I am very loathe ro make this disclosure upfront and it takes me a while to take others into my confidence.

    Like

  3. Elize Meijer says:

    I am clinically depressed. My favourite place is the darkest corner in the room. My outside is happy. My inside is sad. and never the twain shall meet ..

    Like

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