... a bit of that, Thoughts

Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I listen to the things my many children, husband and friends speak about, the way they see the world and experience the people beside them….and I reflect on my own long and cobbled stone road.

The universal pull is that people want to be loved, wanted, appreciated, listened to and acknowledged. We want to matter. We want to fit in, yet be our own person and march to our inner pan flute. Stuff that, I hate pan flutes…. the sound of a lone saxophone. That’s what I choose to be….. and we have music all right.

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Lonely. I have seldom felt more lonely than within a group of people. Sometimes they are pan flutes, some even play the triangle. They are lost to the sound of the saxophone. I don’t mind being alone. On my own. I’m really smashing company. Especially at 3am.

After I did my Radio Today interview, I felt utterly naked on a foreign stage to be judged. Bare. I’m not sure how I expected to feel, because nothing I said was different to what I would write or speak about. You can listen to the podcast:  HERE

Oh and do people love a small public lynching amongst themselves!

I totally forgot the topic as my mind ….. wonders around interesting spaces all the time. How great others would have done, never been in a studio before… “here is a microphone love, knock yourself out“. Well, I admit, while I truly enjoyed it and I would do it again in a heartbeat, I have learned a number of things during my 22 minutes on air. There are things I would do  very differently. Some technical, some behavioural, breathing would be good and not mention nymphomania in the first five minutes may be a stretch… but at the end of it, I always want to be unashamed me….and that I was. True to me.

Why do we all want to fit in so badly? We want to be ourselves. Okay forget the pan flutes you can all be drums if you like, but … “Please… oh do like me and and add me or send me an invitation to the A list of bloggers / school lunch break cool group / geek group / social outcast group / social media supreme luncheon / media drops / influencers / interesting creatures list. Just don’t leave me out here… with my nose pressed against the window looking in.” Love me. Care about me. Don’t exclude me. That is what we ALL want. Even the bad asses. We want to fit with someone or something…somewhere.

Did you know… there is no medal at death for being part of a herd? None. Well, none that any near death experiences documented that I have read, spoke about. Bright light and peaceful I’ve heard… even harps (right up there with pan flutes – save me!) but no medals. No reward. Not a pat on the back.

“Oh you were a fantastic herd person. Just stand in this line… no, oops ….sorry, wrong line, you were not an interesting person .. frankly we do believe you died while you were still alive. You were a mere flute… Our mistake… off you go.” tra-la-la (Bee I hear you now!)

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We really need to stop apologising for who we are and embrace ourselves. Nobody can be a better you, than you can be! Nobody is the world knows you better! Okay… maybe God and the Devil. I do believe they make it their business to know. Well, the Devil does. God already knows your details before you were born,… it is not God’s fault if you wanted to be a flute.

If you must, … rather play the triangle. At least we remember the triangle! …. but there is NOTHING like a lone Saxophone.

a cry that tells us love goes on and on
played on a solo saxophone
it’s telling me
to hold you tight
and dance like it’s the last night of the world
– Miss Saigon

I wish you enough,

nocturnwenchysignature

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