Nocturnal Wenchy

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I stalked my 20 year old son @liamjamescadger on Instagram tonight. I just really miss him.

Many of you walked the road of raising our Liam with me. It literally did take a village. It was a difficult road for many reasons. Out of all the challenges a faithful son was awarded me.  Liam James “gets” me on a a multitude of levels. His wisdom and insight far outweigh his age. He is relentless to seeing that I am “okay” and I appreciate and love him for it.

He is funny,  charming,  unbelievably caring and compassionate…. also a dreamer,  aware of the harsness of life,  a realist with very tinted glasses some days. He loves people as they are,  and ask for nothing more… and nothing less. He gets hurt but never gives up on the world.  Instead he wants to fix it.

I love you.

This entire empty nest nonsense…  nobody ever even whispered about.  Everyone was full on how to solve a problem like Maria and a spoon full of sugar helping the medicine go down,  but nobody warned me that my children not needing me, would feel so incredibly lonely, replaceable and hearsore. That life would go on and I would search for each of them daily in details.

I laughed and cried looking at Liam James’s posts. I remembered some,  and I saw him in places with people I don’t know. It hit me again. I am but a vessel. Safe passage for a baby into the world to grow and to provide a space from which they could jump, hoping I have equipped them successfully with strong wings and a good heart.

Lee,  I hear you in the “insincere sounding city birds” every day. I see you in the grocery shop when I pass the jelly and hear you in the soul who passes my window singing out loud.

When you smile

I can see

You were born

Born for me.

-Roberta Flack

I wish you enough Liam James,

Mother