Nocturnal Wenchy

Dear Kev, Liam James and Victoria,

This picture was taken on Mother’s Day during a time I never want to revisit. Yet, we somewhat smiling. We always did try.

As a person, but specifically as your Mom, my faults are immense. Some of my actions over many years,  I cannot comprehend or explain, yet you have loved me. You have tried to understand, when I myself could not.

The days I shouted instead of listening, when I was preoccupied instead of present, fell apart instead of being strong, put what I thought I wanted before what you needed – I am deeply sorry. My regrets are many.

You have been my joy and celebration in life. You have been an anchor I do not think I always deserve. 

You have not had an easy life. Especially Kev who as the eldest, had to experience my every flaw. Two divorces, three marriages, expectations met and dreams broken. You have overcome and I am very proud of each of you for very different reasons.

I always wanted to be a Mom. Always. I wish I had known how totally unprepared I was… or how inadequate I would still feel sometimes now.

Some walks I have had to take alone, as it should be. 

While life may not always have been cookies from scratch, jungle gyms and laughter… know that I have always loved you and that nothing you do could ever make me not love you in abundance.

You may not always have liked me, but you have always loved me… that relationship dynamic kinda folds back on itself. Forever we are linked. Always interchanging.

I miss you all so much today. There is a physical ache in my chest. You growing up was never a thought. What happened Peter Pan?

I love you more than Strawberry Pops and Country Music.

Nancy, Mother, Momma 💜