Dear friends and other interesting creatures,
She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.
~ Toni Morrison, Beloved
I’ve never been a great pretender. I don’t keep it together for the kids, hence all that therapy!
If I’m happy you will all know about it. When I’m sad, dissapointed, hurt, ashamed – I’ll tell you. Feelings are neither right, nor wrong. They simply are. I just acknowledge them out loud with no apology.
Today I cried.
My soul mate. My person. We met online sixteen years ago and we immediately bonded. It was stronger than “we clicked”. It was a surreal “Oh there you are!” experience.
We have supported each other even when we have totally disagreed with decisions made. We have loved, forgiven and protected where and when we could. We have been apart, but a nudge away. We are my most successful marriage yet! 😉 For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part.
When she said “It’s cancerous”, I said #fuckcancer… followed by “We need to learn how to make African headgear, very stylish”. When she said surgery, I said “Who needs breasts anyway?” When she said chemo, I said “Now there’s a way to lose weight.” Poking at cancer has become the subtle, empty joke to deflect from my inner “I want to vomit in fear” reaction.
Mel is gracious and kind. She is respected and people look up to her. She is caring and giving. She is slow to anger and quick to forgive. She is funny and loving.
She is everything cancer is not.
Her cancer journey started at diagnosis. The tumour has been removed. The chemo port was fitted yesterday. It is all too real.
Melany is greatly loved by many and while we will all walk with her with massive support, I know it is not going to feel that way at 3am.
I know you will keep it together for the kids. Your parents. Your friends. Die Tannie by die Tuisnywerheid …. so let me assure you, that I will be your 3am.
I will love, honour and cherish you throughout this journey. I’m so grateful for you.