This made me think beyond Serotonin, Dopamine and trauma. Grief is much like incredible anger without excessive enthusiasm.
🌿Personally🌿 speaking, I crave connection. I need people. I connect, we vibe, my happy bucket fills up.
I go away and am very happy by myself, I like my own company. Then, my bucket gets empty… I have to keep topping it up.
Sometimes Depression overrides my bucket needs and I’m stuck. It gets to “peoplely” out there.
I need to work hard on keeping the balance.
Sometimes an empty bucket for me turns into mania. Most people who have bipolar disorder love MANIA. Unfortunately for me, diagnosed as bipolar 2, mania is rare.
In a manic state, I become bulletproof. It is wonderful! Everything is hyped. It is unbelievable how little I care and how much I get done… That is my suicidal edge. It’s a dangerous playground for me personally.
Coming down from mania is like hitting a solid concrete wall that dissolves in the darkest pit you cannot imagine unless you have been there.
Hence the bucket. The balance.