Closing circles

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

– Paulo Coelho 

Closing Circles 


Now Following You 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures, 

Not surprising it has been my online activity that has kept me from finishing Fiona Snyckers book, “Now Following You”,  sooner! 

Social Media addict Jamie and level headed Pumla are the co-owners and operators of a coffee shop in the suburbs. 

Although Jamie’s background is in hospitality,  she is a writer at heart who is using blogging as a tool to gain exposure in the hopes of having her book published.

Successful business woman Pumla is searching for a “baby daddy” in her desperate quest to be seen as an achiever by her family where only bearing children counts. 

“Hot Running Guy”, Tom is an emotionally, overprotective single Father to his adopted toddler son Ben who lives next door to recreational runner and cat loving Jamie. 

Add in a calculated, creepy stalker who uses Social Media to track his prey and the plot it set as these characters become intertwined in each others lives. 

Never underestimate what some bloggers will do for exposure… even risk their own lives and those they love. 

Perhaps Jamie’s book is being written as life unfolds around her, and not in the posts she blogs daily. 

– Wenchy

A most enjoyable and recommended read that touches on our ever changing and engaging digital living including the joys and potential dangers it holds. 

It reflects on how extended family and society deal with cross cultural adoption, blended families and off course, love, sex and two minute noodles. 

I could identify completely with the main characters need to share information and interact online. I felt the chill of the stalker close to her. Loving a child that grew in your heart and not your body is a personal experience for me…  and my life is one giant blend of love, sex and a dislike of two minute noodles! 

I am on a local author binge at the moment and talent is abundant! 

For an authentic and truthful review of your book on my blog, Amazon and Goodreads, please do mail me at wenchy@mweb.co.za ☺️ 

I wish you enough, 

Wenchy 

Winter is coming. 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

We are thrilled that our annual Twitter Blanket Drive #TBD2017 will be hosted by Live Arts Little Theatre on Thursday, 25 May 2017 at 19h00. It is impossible to find a warmer reception!

#TBD2017 

Please bring a new or previously loved blankets (any size) as entry fee. Enjoy the hospitality of the Little Theatre that could, with snacks and entertainment provided. All ages welcome! Cash bar.

Blankets may be dropped at the Theatre should you sadly,  not be able to attend.

Other collection points will be shared in the next couple of days,  as well as the beneficiaries for Jozi #TBD2017.

Please contact me: wenchy@mweb.co.za for additional information or should you feel led to assist in any way. 😉

With huge gratitude, I wish you enough,

Wenchy

Twitter : @JoziTBD / @LALT_JHB / @NocturnalWenchy

Hashtag : #TBD2017

Please share and spread the love!

From one Legend to another…

20170410_134416Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

My son, @liamjamescadger and I recently attended a rooftop party (nothing like a Wench on the town with her son who is legal!) at The Copper Bar, where we got down to doing The Salty Dog... we didn’t learn about THE Tom Collins until much later, so we had to skip.. even if he did arrive with a cherry on top!

Wikipedia has this to say about “this liquid legend“:

Gordon’s is a brand of London dry gin first produced in 1769. The top markets for Gordon’s are (in descending order) the United Kingdom, the United States and Greece.[1] It is owned by the British spirits company Diageo and is made in Scotland (although flavourings may be added elsewhere). It is the world’s best selling London Dry gin.[2] Gordon’s has been the UK’s number one gin since the late 19th century.[3]

The recipe for Gordon’s is known to only twelve people in the world and has been kept a secret for 250 years.[11] Triple-distilled, the gin contains juniper berries, coriander seeds, angelica root, liquorice, orris root, orange and lemon peel.[2] It takes ten days distillation after receiving the wheat to create a finished product of a bottle of Gordon’s Gin.[12] Gordon’s recipe differentiated from others at the time in that it didn’t add sugar, which other distillers had used to disguise impurities.[7] This made it a “dry” gin.[7]

In terms of clear spirits I’m usually on the vodka side of the bar, but I was pleasantly surprised with Gordon’s. It was subtle, not overpowering and mixed well with my standard favourite, orange juice. Yes, I will sip and try all things but may not necessarily finish the entire glass. I was thankful I had Liam James waiting in the wings to try all combinations with ample feedback! We really had a smashing afternoon.

The venue was ever so upmarket, beautifully decorated, stylish and refreshing, with platters of food that just kept appearing. All that was missing was a Palm leaf. I really do believe life might just be a tad more legendary with #GordonsLegends @GordonsGinSA . Especially when shared with people you love and wonderful memories are made!

Thank you for the invitation, it is an afternoon neither I, nor my son will soon forget. Sophisticated we sipped our gin, watching the sunset over the City Of Gold. Snacking on salmon… as one does.

PS.

A salty dog is a cocktail of Gordon’s gin, or vodka and grapefruit juice, served in a highball glass with a salted rim. The salt is the only difference between a salty dog and a greyhound. Vodka may be used as a substitute for gin; nevertheless, it is historically a gin drink.

As for the THE Tom Collins … google him. He has a history. #wink

I wish you enough,

Wenchy

The Wonder Of You

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I looked at a friends Facebook timeline today and found myself comparing, wishing and wanting. Comparison is truly the thief of joy.

Then later, I opened a gift I was meant to fetch in January but was only in the area today to collect. The universe has a funny way,  for the message received is far for meaningful and apt today. I’m so grateful.

A sentimental, special gift of mala beads from my sister, @vickystephens now living in Marco Island, Florida, USA. She is a Yoga Goddess.

Yes, I cried.

My dearest Victoria Plum,

The missing of you is everywhere. From seeing the Ponte building, to Creme Soda and Fontana chicken pies at 2am on the pavement in Hillbrow.

As I smell the wooden beads, hold in my hand what have been in yours,  it brings an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, joy, connection and a love, a friendship that has never failed me.

I am exceedingly blessed to be loved by you. I can only ask forgiveness for wanting the worldly things I longed to have earlier today.

I may never again have what was once my joy, but some have never been loved with the depth and length that I have.

The wonder of you.

Namaste.

Stel.

New every morning. 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures, 

All I wanted was to live a life where I could be me, and be okay with that. I had no need for material possessions, money or even close friends with me on my journey. I never understood people very well anyway, and they never seemed to understand me very well either. All I wanted was my art and the chance to be the creator of my own world, my own reality. I wanted the open road and new beginnings every day.

– Charlotte Eriksson

I remember a time in my life I honestly believed that I got to try again tomorrow. I’m not saying be an idiot and then all is forgiven when the sun comes up. 

A new day would emerge where transgressions were not a well indexed encyclopaedia. I got to try again without question as the sun came up. I’ve not felt that way for well over a decade. 

Peace. Acceptance. Happiness. Fulfillment. Love. 

You cannot find everlasting hunger, fed and satisfied by humanity. There is no solution to be found inside others. People are flawed, they are human. Their mood and emotions blow as the wind. It is the nature of the beast. The wind blows intermittently. Unpredictable. Storm and sunshine. 

The Bible speaks about “New mercies every day”, “Come to me all who are heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” While I cannot pledge myself as a devoted Christian, I do believe that if once you were held in the palm of God’s hand, that He will not let you go. I find a strange comfort in that. A solitude. He knows my name. Inscribed in His hand, I will find rest,… eventually. 

I’ve read the Bible. I can quote scripture. I grew up with a strong Biblical background. My grandfather is a Pastor. This is not saying much as the devil is quite proficient in scripture himself. I do not often speak about religion because I do not live in a glasshouse. I am not fond of stones. 

I attempt to act in kindness, acceptance, toletance and love. I do not always succeed. I try. I am flawed. I run with the wind. I’m human. 

I wish you enough, 

Wenchy

This is her story.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

This post was written by Cara who needed a platform to let out her feelings about a baby girl she miscarried when she was 17 years old.

To my unborn child

I remember the day I met you and lost you all at once like it was burnt into the back of my mind with a hot poker. I remember thinking to myself that there is something wrong with me for not knowing you were there and for not being able to keep you there.

I am truly sorry for not listening to my body when the signs were there, and doing something when I did, instead of finding excuses.

But thank you. Thank you for the miracle and the adventure that you turned out to be. You showed me who I am, that I am not made of glass and taught me how to stand tall. You taught me how to stand up again when I couldn’t even find the strength to breath.

The thought of you is what has moulded me into the person I am today. The memory of you is my greatest inspiration.

I can say will full honesty that if it wasn’t for the loss of you, I would be a law student, fiancé or friend that I am today.

Your father wouldn’t be the man he is today, and I have never been more proud of who is and who he continues to grow into.

I love you with my whole heart and I miss you every day.

To my best friend and the father of my child

People have accused me of being many things but the mother to your child will be my greatest honour, no matter how many times it is said with the intention of using it as a weapon. No matter what, you will always be my greatest adventure, and I’m sorry it had to end this way.

There are many times that I regret how you found out that the only child you will ever have, is gone. I never regret that it happened though.

That is the thing about idolising someone so much. You dehumanise that person, creating something of a demigod. You could do no wrong. And it took the greatest tragedy for that to change. But im glad it did.

You have the most amazing fiancé that wouldn’t still be around if you hadn’t gone through the horror story of us. If you didn’t break down. If you didn’t show your vulnerable side. And im really glad you did.

To the fiancé

I will never be able to explain to you how deeply and truly thankful I am for looking after my angel boy. He will always be my first love and the person I go when things are bad, but I am grateful he has someone as strong and kind-hearted as you by his side building him back up in a way that nobody else ever could. I am sorry you had to go through the wreckage but I am truly grateful you stayed. You are the biggest blessing of this whole thing. Thank you for being the person who put all his pieces back together. Thank you for making him the man he is today. I’m sorry you got caught in the shrapnel. My heart will never be able to show you the gratitude for the guardian angel you have become and remain.

To the girl in the hospital room alone.

I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you, and you are in no way alone. This is a tragedy but it’s not the end. There is no amount of time that could change it and there is nothing that can be said to make it easier. But know that there is most definitely nothing wrong with you.

We live in a society where it has become normal to speak about traumatic events and the after effects but it’s not ok to speak up about a phenomenon that is happening in almost every household. The loss of a child.

1 in 4 pregnancies result in a miscarriage. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone.

You will learn to smile again without your hand drifting to your stomach and you will learn how to walk down the baby aisle without freezing and becoming starstruck at the possibility of something that was taken away from you.

You are allowed to grieve and mourn. Most importantly, don’t forget to breathe.

To my future husband.

I was 17 when it happened and the impact from the womb exploding has made it one of about 20 reasons why I will never be able to have children ever again. I am sorry.

I sit on the bed and I listen to the stories of how you will teach your son to play cricket. How to be a gamer worth of the internet, how your daughter will learn to play ballet.She will thave my eyes, your cheek bones and will be an angel.

Never lose hope. I am sorry you had to sacrifice the greatest gift on earth without having the choice to do it. I will never stop trying to make it up to you.

To the girl staring back at me in the mirror.

The stretch marks that now mark your body in places that live as reminders will soon be badges of pride. You will learn how to love yourself with them.

Your hair will frizz and curl in new and exciting ways than before, embrace the crown that frames your face.

The chubby cheeks and the soft edges around your curves is your new and improved body armour. You are a warrior and this is your battle. A battle you have already won.

You are alive and you are breathing.

Cara

Some of my best friends are male, but… 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

If you also feel like you have seen better days on multiple levels, offer to be the host of a hole at a golf day! 😆

I tell you, you will be reformed… okay you will at very least be amused, at worst, feel you need a bath. 

The young men, round my older kids age, so early twenties will call you “Tannie” Very respectful,  but then there is always one joker in the group.  Said joker will look at you innocently and will ask you if you have 69 tees in the bowl. 

Ag nee! I was just going to congratulate your parents on your good manners!… to which you will respond “Nee Ouboet. 42 is the meaning of life, 69 is entertainment, neither are the number of tees in the bowl.
The friends of the boy with the big mouth will laugh at how the “Tannie” just told the big mouth “waar Jacob die wortels begrawe het.” The joker will look at you sheepish and mumble “Sorry Tannie.” Ja my kind. Moenie so dof wees nie. 
… but the older (married) men I found much worse… They speak as if you are not present and then, when they finally devote their attention to you… you wish they didn’t. 

I would be delighted if I got paid to answer where all my tattoos are located. “Wys ons bietjie?” So common, ek voel skaam vir hulle, hulle se vrouens om nie eers oor hulle ouers te praat nie! 

Would you like it if men spoke to your daughter like that? Sexual innuendo and fist pumps. 

I honestly got asked if my breast is also tattooed or would I like it to be? Those are some of the less sexual slanted comments. 

Do men only do this when they run in packs? It is seldom that I’ve met a man on his own “wat hom so varklik gedra“. 

I wish you enough,
Wenchy

“And In That Moment I Swear We Were Infinite” 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

Ouma’s room felt calm with soft light… she looked worse and better then I imagined – making no sense at all I am. She is nothing like the woman she use to be, but when I lay down beside her, she took my face in her hands and I felt like heaven had just touched me.

It was the most incredible soft, lingering, tender, loving feeling of adoration that came from her. Sweeping movement of her soft hand on my hair… such comfort I have not felt. She is the one dying and yet I felt she was giving to me… I was enough. I WAS ENOUGH!!

She spoke every now and again a few audible sentences… she said she is happy with the life she has had, that she loves me, that I am a ‘dierbare kind’… she told Noid that she raised me from the time I was one month old… that she was so happy when I was born that she cried for weeks… she said I was her first grandchild and her favourite, she told me over and over again how happy she is to see me, she asked if I was happy with Noid and if we will get married.. she asked me if he will look after me.. she specifically asked to see Kevin.. my heart was sore for him because him and I did this together not so long ago with Oupa…. She said she is so glad that I came, she loves me.. I said I love her and thank you for everything and and and ….and all the while I didn’t want her to stop touching me.  It was the most tender and intense love I have felt in a very long time – as in overwhelming complete peace and contentment – healing. I wanted to drink it in and have it run smoothly inside my body, fill me up with tenderness and love. It was beautiful.

I never want to forget how I felt. Ever.

It does not matter to me what is physically wrong with my gran. I don’t mind her dying because I saw her LIVE.  I don’t know if she will be with us for a few more hours, days or weeks… I feel content in knowing that she loves me and that I love her and that’s enough. I will miss her so much, but I am so glad she was my Ouma Chrissie… and the person who I slept next to, holding her hand for the first eleven years of my life.

When we got home, I lay in the darkness. Craving the silence, seeking that contentment, I climbed under the dovet in an effort to feel more ‘protected’ – snug – a hug almost .. . I closed my eyes and pretended the fan was raindrops and that I could almost smell the cinnamon from the pancakes.

As the wind blew the curtain, I hoped there was a life after this one… one in which Ouma will find Oupa waiting and they will once again walk hand in hand as they did for 57 years.

“Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” – Unknown

Written 11 Feb 2009… Ouma died on the 7th of March 2009, and was buried on this day, 14 March 2009.

I wish you enough,

Wenchy

♡ “And In That Moment I Swear We Were Infinite” is a memorable quote from the 1999 coming-of-age novel “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky. It is one of my favourite books ever.♡

From  Koesiestes to Kneidlach

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

Tayla-Jade and I saw Chantal Stanfield in her new play at Auto & General Theatre on the Square “From  Koesiestes to Kneidlach” last night.

The true story of how the girl from the Cape Flats met and married a good Jewish boy, RJ Benjamin, living happily ever after, one Shabbat meal at a time.

It is absolutely delightful! Relatable. Funny. Romantic. Current. A personal, truthful and vulnerable performance by the talented Chantal.

Highly recommended !

You can follow #K2K on Twitter :

  • @KoesKneidlach
  • @chantalstan
  • @TheatreOnSquare

I wish you enough,

Wenchy