Dear friends and other interesting creatures,
My life has never been uneventful. Things have happened to me in life that I did not want and did not deserve. Just like you.
I’ve also allowed events and encouraged people to happen to me. Good and bad! My stupidity in motion can be exceptional for the level of intelligence inside this beautiful hurricane I am.
There has been a great amount of deep sorrow, regret and insurmountable heartache in my life. Perhaps also for you.
I’ve learned that pain demands to be felt. Grieving people I have loved that I have lost to both life and death. Grieving my own doing at times There is no way around it. The only way is through.
I don’t believe that “what doesn’t kill you make you stronger”. What a silly statement. What doesn’t kill you simply wasn’t strong enough to kill you. Duh.
At the same time, my life has held unimaginable joy, spontaneous, unbelievable pleasure and massive amounts of adventure and buckets full of grace. In the same way, happiness demands to be felt. Just like pain. Celebrated without shame!
I aim to reach the very core of every experience and emotion. I didn’t know this at the time, but I’ve realised with intense therapy, self-assessment and reflection that I’ve actually done this all my life. If it is a positive or a negative situation, I would put on the cloak and wear it out. Till it fell off me in slithers. No glitter guys. I am my own worst judge, jury and bondage, master.
Regardless, I’m often overcome with overwhelming, overflowing, huge rushes of unexplainable feelings of love, joy, laughter, gratitude and thanksgiving. I find myself not knowing how to contain my happy and it will come rolling down my cheeks and my eyes will see anew.
I love being alive! I’m so delighted I’m here to drink bubbles, cry and perform in my car when music is beautiful, quiver under the touch, hug my kids and people I connect with and get slapped on the ass as I leave the room. Eat exquisite food, taste a foreign liquid and appreciate it for what it is, stand in the rain, hear laughter – often my own loudly. Just being physically touched or when somebody chooses to spend their precious time with me. So much joy! What a wonderful delight!
You honestly have no idea as to my level of abundant love for life, loving and giving, and how close I’ve been to losing it this year. Twice.
To everyone who loves me in their own special way, who supports in a million different ways, who lights my way, who brings me joy, who tries to lighten the load – thank you.
Hayley Joy and Liza Clifford you came out of nowhere and changed everything! It is so much more than a collaboration when your heart connects.
From the man who has worked so hard to be who he is today, who sleeps next to me, to my many, many magical children, to friends across the world I have never met who continues to walk with me. Thank you.
Sincerely, I wish you enough,
PS. Let me not write a Thanksgiving letter now. It is not time yet.