“Is there no way out of the mind?” ― Sylvia Plath

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

Some say (flashback: The Stig) one does not admit to these subjects in public. What if your clients suddenly believe you are incompetent? What if people think less of you? If that is so,  it is their ignorance and not my inability to be real.

 

Anyone who regularly reads my blog knows that I deal with excessive anxiety on a daily basis. It never goes away.  It dulls at times,  but it never truly leaves.

I’ve been on and off meds since I was 14 when diagnosed. Nothing you can tell me about the condition,  it’s treatment or the influence it has on your daily life.

I am really battling at the moment.  I wake up with my skin crawling and I go to bed feeling like my breathing is constricted.

Nothing has to happen for this feeling to be heightened. It is not based on events.  It is almost my default emotion.  It isn’t fun.  It doesn’t make me unique or special or dysfunctional.  It simply is.

Everything I have achieved in my life was with this feeling present.  Every failure in my life happened with this emotion present.

I don’t really know a different baseline. Medication takes the edge off (for which we are truly thankful), talking, writing,  accepting yourself as you are,  it all helps.

In myself, my demons and I play.  My husband loves me,  my kids are good,  I am provided for,  I am steadily getting to do what I’ve wanted to do all my life, write. 2018 shows amazing promise.

I want to encourage others not to always believe everything you think,  to ask for help if you need it and to be true to yourself.

Your self-worth is not determined by others opinion of you.

I wish you enough,
Wenchy

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Beloved 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

​She is a friend of mind.  She gather me, man.  The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.  It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.  

~ Toni Morrison, Beloved 

I’ve never been a great pretender. I don’t keep it together for the kids, hence all that therapy! 

If I’m happy you will all know about it. When I’m sad, dissapointed, hurt, ashamed – I’ll tell you. Feelings are neither right, nor wrong. They simply are. I just acknowledge them out loud with no apology. 

Today I cried. 

My soul mate. My person. We met online sixteen years ago and we immediately bonded. It was stronger than “we clicked”. It was a surreal “Oh there you are!” experience. 

We have supported each other even when we have totally disagreed with decisions made. We have loved, forgiven and protected where and when we could. We have been apart, but a nudge away. We are my most successful marriage yet! 😉 For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part. 

When she said “It’s cancerous”, I said #fuckcancer… followed by “We need to learn how to make African headgear, very stylish”. When she said surgery, I said “Who needs breasts anyway?” When she said chemo, I said “Now there’s a way to lose weight.” Poking at cancer has become the subtle, empty joke to deflect from my inner “I want to vomit in fear” reaction. 

Mel is gracious and kind. She is respected and people look up to her. She is caring and giving. She is slow to anger and quick to forgive. She is funny and loving. 

She is everything cancer is not.

Her cancer journey started at diagnosis. The tumour has been removed. The chemo port was fitted yesterday. It is all too real. 

Melany is greatly loved by many and while we will all walk with her with massive support, I know it is not going to feel that way at 3am. 

I know you will keep it together for the kids. Your parents. Your friends. Die Tannie by die Tuisnywerheid …. so let me assure you, that I will be your 3am.

I will love, honour and cherish you throughout this journey. I’m so grateful for you. 

Stel ♡

Rock Of Ages – #RockTheCity – Review

Dear friends and other interesting creatures, 

I love me a bit of a Barnyard evening! We usually order pizza, a bucket of ice with alcoholic beverages… and as the music flows,  we dance and sing along badly to lyrics we know well. A fun night out with friends! 

I know more than one of us was expecting an 80’s tribute show on steroids as we dressed up for “Rock Of Ages” at Gold Reef City

Well… what we got instead rocked the city! Oh, Sherri! 

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Five-time Tony Award-nominated “Rock Of Ages” has toured six continents.  The Broadway production ran for 2 328 performances. Surprise!

Jaco van Rensburg for VR Theatrical, as Executive Producer hit us with his best shot as he rounded up a team of highly acclaimed theatre folk for the local production. 

The stage is lit (the Pacman throwback had us all recalling our highest scores!), the leg warmers were bright and the scene changes clever and done with over characterisation and humour. 

Easily the most energetic, sexually flawless by some,  and fittingly clumsy by others cast I have seen. Energetic Jane Fonda types with kick-ass voices, tight abs and a feeling of fun that just washed over onto the audience. 

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In French, you don’t really say “I miss you.” You say “tu me manques,” which is closer to “you are missing from me.”

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I know I’ve been writing about Tim more than usual. I will not for your sake curb my emotions, therefore I will not apologise for my truth. That is not #Wenchytude

When my Tim died I knew I would miss many things about him. Besides his windswept and interesting self, of course.

Who else would quote Shirley Valentine at great length with me, sing Sinatra, Rodriguez and be the only man I ever baked an apple pie for?

Tim and I did not always agree, but he listened. He never tried to convert me to his way of thinking. He tried to understand and would challenge us both. Hell, we could both be wrong. Imagine!

He kicked my ass when I needed it, he was moody, contemplative and sometimes downright depressive.

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