Fibromyalgia

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I felt it building. The exhaustion. From Monday to Thursday I realised I was incredibly tired by bedtime. Like there isn’t enough sleep in the world to feed me.

Last night I felt myself crashing. It’s a tired I can’t explain. I took my daily meds to assist sleeping and not having my body present itself as a stiff job in the morning. Usually I fall asleep soon after. Nothing.

I’m so tired that my eye lids feel heavy but still, no sleep. Round 3am I took my anxiety meds. Again feeling more relaxed I should fall asleep, but nothing.

I think I have the feeling that toddlers have when they are over tired down. No wonder they are so grumpy.

I lay down this afternoon and slept about 90 minutes… but again, not a deep sleep either. I woke up with a headache firmly in place (probably from a lack of sleep) and that familiar Fibromyalgia ache all over my body. I really am not keen on a flair up please. Spare me.

It makes me sad. I feel guilty if I ask @SirNoid or my children for help as they work long hours and I feel like a burden during weeks like this one.

I physically hurt and psychologically it makes me feel pretty useless. Really positive on the self esteem chronic illness is.

I try to communicate how my body feels but I know it doesn’t translate well into words. I just sound like I need some cheese with that whine.

I wish you enough,

Wenchy


#wenchytude

#NetflixAndChill

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I needed to renew a repeat script for Cymgen. A kick ass medication prescribed at my Fibromyalgia diagnosis in 2011.

I’m not always sure what the medication does. Where chronic illness ends and Wenchy starts. I’m very certain of what happens when I do not take my medication!

Even with the best medication, pain still creeps over my body rendering me powerless and incapacitated to deal with simple tasks at times. It steals time and experiences from me. I hate it.

People do not understand. I look fine. Actually I’m fabulous. I have no limbs missing, no open wound to sympathise with. My smile lights up the room I’m told. Sunbeam I am dammit.

I feel a smouldering anger at this faceless attacker. Cowardly, powerful asshole this nonsense is. There is nothing and nobody to direct these feelings to. Acceptance is not mine.

I can tell you that stopping this schedule five drug leaves my brain zapping as if searching for flickering connection. It is an awful feeling. My brain shaking inside my skull.

My skin crawls with anxiety, my breathing becomes shallow and I’m pretty certain others experience my behaviour as a drug addict needing a fix. It would be a pretty accurate observation.

I dropped my local GP an email who usually replies with my repeat script for the next six months.

Instead, I receive an email informing me that he would like confirmation of my illness before providing a script.

I tried to remain calm. A confirmation of my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, Generalized Anxiety Disorder or my ever popular Bipolar status? Just the one or all of the above?

Cymgen I’ve been told covers it all to a certain extend, as well as some of the physical pain.

Yes there are other medication I take as and when the need arises. Xanor is my lifeline for anxiety. I’m prescribed Synaleve and Tramahexal for pain. Neither deliver and I often find myself returning to simple Paracetamol and Ibuprofen.

I phone the doctors rooms. Phone calls usually numb me with fear, but when fueled by withdrawal all things become possible. My brain is zapping, hear me roar.

My tone is agitated. I explain that for the past two years the doctor has had no issue providing me with a script. Saving me the cost of seeing my Specialist Rheumatologist and mental health practitioner that all comes with a very special price. A price I cannot afford.

The doctor persists. A confirmation of my illness is required. I allow my Bipolar self free reign.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Manic Depression, later to be called Bipolar, at fourteen years of age. I do not remember the doctors name. I was 14. I’m 44 now. The doctor is probably dead. Where would you like me to find confirmation?

The Fibromyalgia is easier. I’m sure the Specialist Rheumatologist would be delighted to discuss my case at a small fee.

I explain that I had not realised it was my last script. I’m four days into withdrawal and I’m not a fucking delight.

The doctor is determined. Apparently it would be unethical to give me the script. A small unmedicated laugh escape my body.

So after two years you have developed an ethical bone in your body? It took you two years to figure out my schedule 5 drug is habit forming? Seriously?

My anger almost results in me resorting to making appropriate accents belonging in local sitcoms.

Now… my son Kev (love that child) gifted me access to Netflix. I have quickly adapted it to #NetflixAndChill. It sounds very urban hip to me. I feel so grown up.

My beloved and very composed 18 year old daughter, Victoria immediately told me #NetflixAndChill has a sexual connotation and could I please stop saying it. “Mom… MOM!”

No. I’m not. It makes me feel very chill and rolls off my tongue. #NetflixAndChill for everyone!

The other day I was all #NetflixAndChill watching a documentary on female killers as one honestly should when you are slightly demented.

This very lovely lady somewhere in the land of the free killed her mother while going through withdrawal from an antidepressant much milder than Cymgen, in my informed opinion.

Least we forget that I’ve been experimented on since I was 14 with new drugs as they were developed. Xanor is clearly a winner as that hasn’t changed and no, the thought if being addicted to this medication does not bother me an inch.

Two things I don’t want to feel. Anxiety and physical pain.

Having #NetflixAndChill-ed my way through female killers in withdrawal, I felt great sympathy for said killer.

Okay… killing people is not cool. Orange will never be the new black with purple hair but I totally understand how your brain zapping and allowing an anxious person to become alot more focus on you, could get your ass #NetflixAndChill-ed!

I did mention that withdrawal is not very ethical. Not once was I told to come into the rooms or go to the Emergency Room. Just zap there in the corner with your crazy eyes Suzanne.

It was late in the day and my body was aching from sitting in a conference all day. My brain zapped and my anxiety was soothed by @SirNoid talking calmly and Liam James making tea. Love them.

It did occur to my funny self that they did not even know about my #NetflixAndChill thoughts! I let them live.

The next day I found a script in my inbox. Very ethically my Liam James collected my medication.

I wish you enough,

Wenchy

I believe somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

5am

Yesterday was physically an excessively painful day. From my elbows to my fingers tips which has already taking a beating from the Ankolising Spondylitis, was a no party zone.

The section of my body affected feels heavy. Accompanied by a dull ache that feels like it comes from the depth of the bone, beaming from the surrounding soft tissue. As if someone hit you. Hard. Only it lingers. It doesn’t ease up. Your skin feels as if it is on fire. Your cannot stand to be touched.

Continue reading “I believe somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows.”

“What makes the desert beautiful,” said the little prince, “is that somewhere it hides a well…”

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I have readers, loyal and long suffering readers that have been around 20 years next year (party?), and when I don’t blog, they text, email or whatsapp me messages to ask “Everything ok?” “You ok?”You gotta love it, right?

Thank you for knowing me well enough not to phone me. No idea however why I have not received flowers, cupcakes or chocolate…. although to be perfectly honest, if you can deliver low carb meals, snacks or general groceries to my house I will be forever grateful. #Smile

Everything is OK. I am permanently completely exhausted. Not tired, not need a break, not take the day off… It’s a much more intense level of EXHAUSTION. Although in all honesty, I do believe @SirNoid and I are in need of a serious holiday.

It is on an I can’t deal, I can’t think, I can’t remember,  I can’t reason, I’m too sore, it’s too much, please help me, without me asking, kinda tired.

Naturally having very close to no iron in my body, does contribute towards my levels of exhaustion.

It is VERY unpleasant and I’ve really fallen very much out of love with having no energy. None. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Medically. Every level I may have skipped, please include it, and tick that box.

December and some of January, I was in severe pain, not coming downstairs, just staying in bed, “wish me luck as you wave me goodbye” kinda pain. Christmas, New Year is all a blur really.

I felt very aware of how scary or helpless this must have been for @SirNoid, but also for our 15 year old son Douglas. I think it was one of the first times Doug saw me mid pain attack, crying, asking @SirNoid to help with small things. Pour water, help me down the stairs, covering my legs like I’m 104 years old because the heat and the little pressure helps the pain,  while other times having any fabric touch my skin0 is hell. It is very confusing for all of us!

@SirNoid like many, expresses his helplessness and wanting to make it better, in getting angry, … but I’ve come to realise I don’t know who to direct my anger at. This acceptance bit is a bitch. I’m nowhere near accepting any of this.

I feel excessively exposed and vulnerable… Chronic illness has stolen from me, my husband and children which leaves me with more pent up anger.  Yes, it has been suggested a bit of counselling may go a long way.

I saw a new Rheumatologist &  Specialist Physician this past week.  For someone with “ailments”, I actually do not enjoy going to the doctor.

She was very proper and I liked that she saw ME, and spoke to ME as a person and not a number. The consultation was all consuming and as she predicted by the time I was done,  I felt a small tractor may have driven over me.

She has requested previous documents from other doctors and off course, ran more tests. She wants to compile a time line and see which of the illnesses is doing what, and seriously attack the anemia and find out why my body doesn’t hold onto iron.

The Fibromyalgia and Ankolysing Spondylitis can put on quite a show I tell you!

Looking at my anemic self, she took me off certain meds and gave me more pain meds to take until we have a plan of action.

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. –  Le Petit Prince (1943)

I don’t know the answers, only to try every day . Sometimes successfully and others not.

I wonder if anyone truly knows how much goes into pretending I’m feeling well?
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I wish you enough,
Wenchy

Miraculously recover or die. That’s the extent of our cultural bandwidth for chronic illness.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

The above quote is from S. Kelley Harwell.

Btw, when you read this, remember that everything good I have done, I did with these issues alongside me, just as everything crappy I have done. I’m still just me.

Living with chronic pain, fatigue (mentally, emotionally and physically) striving to be a loving, supportive wife, involved, caring mother and blossoming DIVA with many roles attached, is a challenging task. Sometimes I drop the ball all together.

For those late to the party, I was diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder when I was 14 as well as Generalised Anxiety Disorder. At 28 I was diagnosed with Ankolysing Spondylitis which most woman in my family has (including my 16-year-old daughter). At 37 years of age, Fibromyalgia joined the party. The following year I stopped working in a corporate setting. Social Media found me and we have been in love ever since.

Sitting for hours is impossible for me. It feel as if someone used me as target practice. I have a blade stuck between my shoulder blades. I can’t dislodge the stupid thing.

A combination of meds is in place to make life as productive and dull ache instead of stabbing pain as possible. The bipolar part is very much stable with medication, anxiety remains an issue but living a life of not overstepping my physical limitations are much more difficult.

I am HUGELY thankful for my husband who does his best to provide me with medical care, cooking a roast dinner and rubbing my back like he did yesterday. I don’t think it is easy to live with anyone who chronically is in pain, or has an illness that always needs consideration.

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My lower back makes itself known if I am in one position too long. Bending forward, carrying grocery packets, all simple tasks that equal pain.

My body pains. My legs, arms and hips just hurt. Nothing happened to them. They have an illness onto themselves.

One of the most annoying, irritating and completely insane things, is the pain and lack of grip in my hands. There are days I cannot grip a pen, open a water bottle or pour from a jug. Holding a phone, a book or even typing on a keyboard can become impossible. I hate that!

The entire combination of symptoms leaves me with no point of escape. It is completely without warning for the most part. Ta da! I have great intentions but my body does not necessarily agree.

Then, there are times I am just dandy. The pain becomes dull and doesn’t consume me. Medication controls, and I am awesome. My mental state is without any issues, my body is playing nicely and in those moments…. hours, days, weeks, or months… I get a huge amount done. I’m running around and living it!

Unfortunately, the entire process is very unforgiving. For an awesome few days where I run flat out, it may take two weeks to recover and return to dull ache status.

Best part, I look fabulous to everyone most of the time. Oh yes, I’m the great pretender. #wink

I wish you enough,
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Midnight train (thoughts) to Georgia (nowhere).

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

Some general news… after midnight… Just go with it.

*  Can you believe at the end of June,  I’ve been banting for a year!? Many kilograms and cm’s later,  it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I’ve reached the point where I can say *we* live a low carb lifestyle. I have never thought of it as a diet. Weird how the brain works.

* The scale has not been my friend lately but I’ve had a good week. Is better for my mental health not to weigh myself all day long, or I obsess terribly. Imagine PMS with a side dish of chili and a rainy camping holiday on a beach vacation with small children. Oh hell no!

*  I’m coming out of a Fibromyalgia flair, with a side kick of excessive anxiety. I’ve tried my best to “slow down,  don’t move so fast” (can you hear the adapted version of “Simon and Garfunkle”? *smile*) It has been a challenging time for me, and you truly do learn who your friends are.

*  Sometimes I take one day at a time but I am that idiot that on great days, attack many days at once (never a great plan as you pay for it later!).

*  I’ve shared quite a bit of discussion with fellow bloggers,  readers of my blog and the companies,  products,  initiatives I have awesome relationships with,  and I’ve had to acknowledge that while I’ve remarkably been able to keep a large section of faithful readers (some for all 19 years, way before we became Facebook friends!) there are new and exciting opportunities that my regular,  sporadic readership and new followers will enjoy. 

*  It has been time to regroup,  focus and commit (I must credit my husband for his vision here) and I’m excited about the future of my blog as well as my Social Media endeavours. You following me on Twitter right?

* I was involved in hosting an evening in collaboration with Buz PR at The Market Theatre for the extraordinary beautiful,  raw and tender production of “Crazy In Love“.

We had an intimate Q&A afterwards with performers Andrew Buckland and Liezl de Kock, along with Directed Rob Murray.

* The legendary Market Theatre guys! It has been one of the highlights of my year.  Total heaven! Imagine that. The honour, respect and pride I feel is overwhelming. Bridget and Christabel ( @BuzPR ) you have no idea how that little girl in red tap shoes danced in my heart that evening. The #JudyGarland in me is forever thankful.

*  Couple of months later I was invited to host a coffee and cake morning at Cinema Nouveau! These are the very places I escape to and now they embraced me!! My beautiful daughter,  Victoria and I had already been so fortunate as to have attended a press preview of “Serial (Bad) Weddings” and, being a serial bride myself,  absolutely loved it. French with English subtitles.  What could possibly make you feel more sophisticated? It was a hilarious movie btw. Again, a privilege. Thank you Janet and Cinema Nouveau! Can’t wait for the next one.

*  The Cape has captured my heart in a big way and in the past year I have been privileged to visit every four months or so.  I’ll be off to the mother city again for a little Social Media visit (more on that later) just after my #birthday #June13th #14forever to learn new things,  experience exceptional places and keep growing. I will be tweeting all about it!

*  I’m incredibly thankful for relationships expanding my horizons and the recognition of what I do online, who I am as a brand and as a Wench!,  that afford me the opportunity to live this loud! My appreciation is endless.
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* I am beyond excited… I am going to The Grahamstown Arts Festival !!! My level of thrill, surprise and unbelievable gratitude is off the charts. This particular year is an incredibly meaningful one for me. I hope to write the post as to why, sitting in an exact spot in Grahamstown.

*  @SirNoid I obviously cannot do this without your 100% backing! Thank you for rehashing ideas and thoughts,  being a sounding board  wiping tears and encouraging me to fly. Love you so lots.

*  Thanksgiving and huge gratitude to my lovely hairdresser who has become a dear friend,  Judy from Ultimate Hair, who endulges my ever hair whim!

*  I am passionate about supporting small businesses as it takes guts,  determination and endless hard work to start,  grow and flourish. Judy is exceptionally well priced,  located near Cresta Shopping Centre and you feel like a million bucks when you leave. 

*  Judy never pushes products like I have found in the big salons.  It makes me very uncomfortable. While I use salon products,  it was I who asked Judy about the range on display.  That is one thing I loathe.  Having products pushed onto me. Same in beauty salons. If I want something,  I’ll ask!

* Please do like Ultimate Hair’s Facebook page. I know it will make Judy smile. ☺

*  My Victoria turns 16 soon and already I’m thinking….  How ever does the mother of the bride cope!!! …..  and literally all we have done so far is look at cakes.  In our house 10, 13, 16 and 18 are BIG birthdays… after that you on your own!  Ha ha!!

* My own birthday… #June13th #14forever #birthday has presented some unexpected adventures of its own. My friends, life is unpredictable and there is always light in darkness. Always. Will blog my annual birthday dream gift list soon. It’s tradition!

Hey… after midnight, well, it’s 2am…. Jani Allen and I have a reading date.

I wish you enough,

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Posted to WordPress from the Galaxy of Samsung from the second cloud on your left.

2014 – Year End Quiz – @RichSimmondsZA pls RT

Dear friends and other interesting creatures –

As my December tan is busy peeling off, so the days of the new year is racing forward ….

I put this quiz together in 2008… so if you complete it, link back to me please? I would love to read about your year. 🙂

My answers for the past few years to the quiz can be found here:

2013 – Year End Quiz Answers

2012 – Year End Quiz Answers

2011 – Year End Quiz Answers

2010 – Year End Quiz Answers

2009 – Year End Quiz Answers

2008 – Year End Quiz Answers

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The 2014 edition:

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

  • New Year started with me in the bath at my Mom’s house. Never done that before.
  • I stayed with my husband’s 2nd x wife for a number of days. Jenny treated me very well and I appreciated her kindness during a difficult time.
  • I visited a divorce attorney, and did not proceed with the divorce. The serial bride found someone who won’t give up on her.
  • My niece and god-child, Tayla-Jade and I ran through sprayers. A memory we both cherish. It was a real year of growth for our relationship Yay!
  • Assisted with editing a book with Rich Simmonds. Thanks for many things.
  • Quite by accident I won an evening stay at Budmarsh Private Lodge (the most amazing chef, Chris) and new friendship were formed. It is now my favourite weekend getaway.
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  • My eldest biological son Kev and I visited Kievitskroon the week he turned 21. It was a really special stay with one on one time with my grown up boy. Watching him eat caviar for the first time. I played chess with those giant pieces with my son Kev. In the end I declared that I am staging a take over. Can’t believe I grew such a fabulous man.
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  • I attended gay pride in Pretoria for the first time and literally walked my talk with my daughter @VictoriaT99 at my side. When I say I am pro gay rights, religious freedom and the right to choose what happens to your body. I mean it.
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  • I rung the big brass bell at The Market Theatre!
  • Loving Theatre as I do, I have always wanted to attend the Naledi Awards and in 2014 I was invited. Thrilled! I cried for much of it LOL.
  • I ate in former, @MasterChef_SA winner, @deenamcsa restaurant Aarya at Montecasino and had Chef Bennie rate my pizza.
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  • Flew on my own to Cape Town, hired a car and worked/played for ten days while staying at Reading House. I had an awesome time visiting movies, restaurants and tourist attractions alone. It was a great time for reflection for me and getting paid for what I love is a massive blessing.
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  • I visited Khayelitsha for the first time, with thanks to City Sightseeing.
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  • Visited Mjejane in the Kruger Park with my parents. It was amazing to take my parents somewhere fabulous!
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  • Went down the tube slide at Valley of the Waves at Sun City. I am not a fan of such things but I think @SirNoid was proud of me. Yes, Douglas has hit the teenage phase of not wanting his picture taken. It seems all boys do that.
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  • I have done a photo workshop before, but never a photo tour. Thank you to Cape Photo Tours, @SirNoid and I enjoyed it tremendously. Learned lots and it ignited my love for photography once more! It did involve walking all the way up to the light house at Cape Point which I have never done before either… as well as visit Chapmans Peak which I had never visited before either!!
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  • Arriving with a fear of heights, @SirNoid and I did the Cape Canopy Tour – 13 platforms and slides up to 320m long way up in the air! Something I never would have entertained 30+kg ago! Would love to do it again.
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  • I test drove the @FordSouthAfrica #FiestaST for a week. Such fun and a truly fantastic car.
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I met incredible people in 2014, from a fast variety of platforms. From people living in squatter camps and destitute to celebrities including beauty queens, drag queens, sports starts, TV stars, fashion icons, music and theater performers. I’m blessed beyond anything I could have imagined.

I attended a massive amounts of diverse events, learned a great deal and were spoiled rotten. It is unreal the amount of love I received in 2014 from social media. Massive amounts of gratitude – don’t stop now !!

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

For 2014, I had the following resolution:

To live authentically. To thy own self be true.

For once, I actually feel I did achieve my resolution.


For 2015 I have the following resolutions:

declutter

[dee-kluht-er] 
1. to remove mess, unnecessary items or clutter from (a place).

2. to organize and prioritize (one’s commitments, material possessions, relationships etc.)

Declutter my time, home, thoughts and relationships.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Our nephew, Benjamin was born to Darryl and Sera on 4 May 2014. I absolutely adore the little guy.

When @SirNoid and I play with Benji, I wonder what it would have been like to have had a child of our own… then he cries or needs his nappy changed…and I immediately recover and go back to Twitter or reading a good book.

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4. Did anyone close to you die?

One of my first Internet, turned real life friends of almost two decades, Belinda Norman died. Two decades ago, we did the Bee-Bar and Wenchy show on ###SouthAfricaChat…. *sigh* as well as my childhood friend, Vicky’s mom, Mom Alta died late December 2014.

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Both deaths upset me greatly for very different reasons.

5. Which countries did you visit?

South Africa …. and far off places in my head.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

  • ‘Zen’ – (Mother Mary you know what I mean!)
  • Placing greater value on my abilities and time.

7. What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory?

Nothing comes to mind.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Changing the way I see food, the way and what I eat – and in the process losing weight.

9. What was your biggest failure?

  • Not thinking before I speak.
  • Forgetting silence is also an answer.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

While chronic illnesses is just that, chronic, I had a good 2014.

I’ve been able to go off a bundle of medication as my results are now all within normal range since I started #banting. All except iron which is at an all time low. Doctors have not been able to find out why my body does not hold onto it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Silicone baking stuff. I know right? That doesn’t sound like me at all!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My husband, @SirNoid – overall resulting in 2014 being one of our happiest years to date.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

I confused friendship with dementia, resulting in a very unpleasant situation. I will not be inviting anyone into our home to stay again.

14. Where did most of your money go?

@SirNoid is the one who earns the money and it goes to living expenses.

I’ve been able to provide a very busy social life with many advantages and great experiences. Often allowing us and our children events and experiences we couldn’t otherwise afford.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My sister in law, Jenni getting engaged to Johan. She is my favourite Kruger and deserves someone who will love her for the brilliance she is. Johan is also a great catch – basically I came home and told @SirNoid, he is Jenni in man form. He is THE ONE. The kindest soul.

Any man who goes to the pharmacy for a girl he met once at 10pm, drives out of his way, because he is the only person she knows in town and buys meds, including tampons… that’s a keeper! 

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16. What song/album will always remind you of 2014?

Scarborough Fair

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? I am very happy.

Thinner or fatter? Thinner.

Richer or poorer? Richer in spirit. Financially, not so much.

18. What do you wish you had done more of in 2014?

  • Said “NO”.
  • Read.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

  • Procrastinate.
  • Over commit myself, creating avoidable anxiety.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

A very lazy day with @SirNoid at home with my two youngest (step) children, Douglas and Jenna-Lee. We had a braai late afternoon and an amazing thunder storm straight after. Awesome!

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Social media related contacts and clients. I still detest speaking on the phone and prefer to communicate via email, whatsapp or smoke signal. My voice mail clearly says not to leave a message.

22. Did you fall in love in 2014?

A big YES.

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23. How many one night stands in this last year?

All with @SirNoid.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

  • Homeland.
  • The Black List.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I detest actions or behavior, not people.

26. What was the best book you read?

I did not read near enough and didn’t keep my Goodreads up to date…. how sad is it that I can’t give a title?

27. What was the best theatre production you saw?

Alison!! The Sound of Music, Liefling, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Mixed Tape – phenomenal productions this past year.

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28. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Mary Lambert – Secrets being my favourite.

29. What did you want and get?

A happy, solid, hard working, committed, sexy and loving husband….. and an ice cream maker. Ha ha ha!

30. What did you want and not get?

Maybe that is a joke amongst freelancers?

31. What were your favourite films of this year?

“Begin Again” Loved that!

32. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 41. Had a pizza party. Had an awesome birthday.

33. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I hadn’t underestimated myself so much.

34. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

For once I actually had some fashion ideas, especially after attending SA Fashion Week.

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35. What kept you sane?

Dreaming. Believing.

36. Which celebrity/public figure made an impact on you?

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The fashion due, Alan Foley & Krishen Samuel – @AlanKrishen. Because of their reputation, fashion icons baby, I was quite intimidated meeting them. The moment we were introduced I found two true gentleman. Classy. Full of humour. Intelligent. Genuine. No pretense. Hearts of gold.

37. What political issue stirred you the most?

Zuma…. Asking for the second coming. Seriously dude?

38. Who did you miss?

I always miss the kids, sometimes more and sometimes less! I’m a human mom dammit.

39. Who was the best new persons you met?

Two people truly stood out for me.

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Zavion Kotze. @Survivor_SA contestant, wedding planner and general gem. Read my interview with him and you will understand why I like him so much.

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Albert whom I met at Reading House. While he is old enough to be my son, he showed me great kindness, an awesome sense of funny and a tremendous dedication to his craft. I arrived a stranger, but left a friend.

40. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014 and how it made your life better.

  • People may leave, not because of who you are, but because of who they are.
  • I learned it can be very liberating when you realise you are not responsible for the actions of others.

41. Quote a song lyric that sums up 2014?

Jy met jou drome en gedagtes in jou oë
Jy met jou vrede wat in elkeen hoop en glo
Jy met jou deernis jou geduld en jou verstaan
Jy wat jou seer alleen wil dra

Ek wil vir jou
Somer wees en stilte gee
Ek wil vir jou
Die son gaan haal die wind die see
Ek wil so graag
Myself vir jou gee 

Jy met jou woorde en gebede in jou hart
Jy met jou vreugde so in oorvloed uit jou hand
Jy met jou wysheid jou geloof in elke dag
Jy met die seer agter jou lag

Woorde en Musiek: Christa Steyn

43. Most cherished memory of 2014?

@SirNoid offering me his last Rolo.

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I wish you enough,

NocturnWenchLogo 3

Somewhere over the rainbow and other chronic conditions.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

As I sit here, “Somewhere over the rainbow” is playing and I feel tearful. You should know that I am Jude Garland darling.

I came into “The Foot Spa” in Killarney Mall to ask Mali to please rub my neck so I could lift it. Yes, literally. (A bit of ‘Cheers’ where everyone knows my name…Clearly they do much more than deal with feet.)

The stupid pain in my neck is back. Been some days now. Yes, the pain that came just before the sickness changed my life.

I fear the pain. It associates with huge changes and very real turmoil on many levels. I don’t wanna play.

I close my eyes and dream of where blue birds fly.

….away above the chimney tops, that’s where you find me.

Wenchy

Having #Wenchytude & being the #JoziGem living with Chronic Illness

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

To say I am fed up is to say Elton John is camp.  He is not camp,  he is queen without borders. 

It has been a week now of chronic pain while experiencing a flair up of Fibromyalgia. Some days I have been able to cruise on painkillers, (unfortunately not mood altering,  asshole drugs, – very beige) and get through the day.  Other days I cry and feel huge anger towards my body. Why can’t you just be proper?

The overall feeling of stress encourage the idiotic pain and at some point bi polar kicks in and we have us a party. What stress could I possibly have? I invite you to strap on my boots and give it a bit of a walk. Just around the block will be fine.

Last Saturday morning when I was crying very loudly,  I considered it is time I be admitted,  hit the big guns for pain relief. Beem me up to the good stuff Skattie!!!

I imagined telling my kids I am in hospital and I know the fears,  anxiety and worry as my Mammie,  sister Rentia at the baseline have the same illness –  Ankolysing Spondylitis. I worry every time they in hospital.

I have Fibromyalgia as an added party trick,  Rentia added Lupus to outdo me, (your strength is beyond Brave heart) and my Mammie is on a run away morphine train of her own.

This week I had to cancel all my events. I detest doing that.  I feel I let down those that invited me.  I can’t get the messages across that I want to, but above all it makes me feel unreliable.

I hate that. I hate that this crap is stealing moments, days from this life. Seriously have I not added enough comic relief to the world already?

This morning as I turned my electric blanket up to aid the pain, I realised that once again,  as in the 18 years I have been blogging,  I can use this platform to give a face to chronic illness.  One where you are not missing a limb,  there is no flashing arrow above your head (Not just mental! ) but you actually are in very real pain.

I am very blessed that for the most part I function just dandy and my flair ups are scattered and I have to be patient and let it rage through my body and then I move back to managing the illness. Problem is I was NOT born with patience.

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I wish you enough,
Wenchy

Posted from the second cloud on your left.