After life

“I was trying to be all British
and not burden you with my… troubles.”
– Ricky Gervais

My son, Kev and I love us a bit of Comedy, especially stand up. He introduced me to Ricky Gervais. Seems fair, I raised him on Billy Connolly.

Tonight, Dion and I are catching up on Season 2 of #AfterLife on Netflix.

I feel like crying because I miss my Kev. I can picture Kev laughing loudly… and at other moments I laugh exceptionally loudly because it’s bloody dark, sad humour and hillarious. I miss you. #YNWA

Welcome to the contents of my head… that forever lump in my throat that sometimes rolls down my face.

#theoriginalcast
#KevLevelsUp
#LondonCalling

Have a day. #YNWA

My eldest son Kev and dearest girlfriend, Max left SA to live in the UK just over 6 weeks ago.

Kev is a physically solid guy, with big shoulders. I miss his hugs, although they never last long. I miss our chats and Kev telling me to just “have a day” when I feel the world is heavy.

Since Kev was very little Liverpool Football Club was life. “It is not a game Mom, it is a religion” he said round his 13th birthday. Kev has a tattooed sleeve that any true #LFC supporter would envy.

He visited Anfield recently and wrote it was the best day of his life. His love, commitment and loyalty to the beautiful game and the team, has encouraged strength within me, trusting all will be well.

It is unbelievable the places where one reaches when you need a branch to hold onto.

I watch because somewhere in the world my son is watching. He’ll never walk alone because wherever we are, “This is Anfield”.

I love you. ♥️

#KevLevelsUp
#theoriginalcast
#ynwa

A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend.

#dateswithmydaughter Victoria was a wonderful time together this week. We went to Mugg & Bean in Cresta Shopping Centre– each time we congratulate ourselves on living on the edge, choosing such an exciting option – not. 😉

We laughed and spoke too much to take pictures of anything… but Dennis has served us before and seems content in bringing endless ice and the rosemary salt on the side to whatever we order.

It is a great joy to be able to spend hours talking with your 20-year-old mini-me. Not running out of subject matter. My daughter is a fascinating creature and I obviously love her, but I also like her very much.

I think this is something you only learn when your kids are older. You always love them, but you don’t always like them. Or like what they do.

We had to pick up a few things and getting in the car, I realised five hours had passed.

I love your crazy ass chicken. Sorry about making you and the brothers listen to Billy Connolly on the school drive. It helped my anxiety post-divorce at the time, but probably not character building for you. 🙈 I’m a flawed, human Mom… yet you are doing fabulously. I’m very proud of your achievements.

#VictoriasMom
#theoriginalcast

Christmas. Done.

    • My daughter, Victoria and long-time apprentice son in law, Jeandré visited @SirNoid and I quite unexpectedly for Christmas.
    • @SirNoid may as well have slaughtered a sheep for the proverbial return, as he roasted the biggest lamb I’ve ever seen in our oven. He prepared it beautifully and we all enjoyed it tremendously. Well done husband. You did amazing.

SirNoid & Wenchy

Continue reading “Christmas. Done.”

Shooting stars.

I wish I realised earlier in my life that I was always only going to be but a vessel. Providing guidance, love and affection but in a supporting role.

They were alive inside me, being knitted together… but with that first breath after birth, children are shooting stars into a tomorrow that does not belong to me, as their mother.

#ynwa

My eldest son, Kev and I this morning. I’m literally holding onto the last few moments together before he and Maxine relocates to the 🇬🇧 UK on Thursday. #ynwa

Things never happen the
same way twice, dear one.
–The Chronicles of Narnia

When your child lives over the sea.

“It is eerily terrifying that there is no sound when a heart breaks. Car accidents end with a bang, falling ends with a thud, even writing makes the scratching sound of pencil against paper. But the sound of a heartbreaking is completely silent. Almost as though no one, not even the universe itself could create a sound for such devastation. Almost as though silence is the only way the universe could pay its respect to the sound of a heart falling apart.”
― Nikita Gill

Next month it is a year since my Liam James moved to the UK. I feel as if I both mourn and celebrate him daily. I am excited about the things he does over the sea, yet the sadness of being without him clings to me. Continue reading “When your child lives over the sea.”

Some of my best work

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.
– Rabindranath Tagore

My children are some of my favourite people in the world. Not because I made them my own self 😉, but because they are tremendously, independently awesome in their own right.

They fascinate me as individuals. The characteristics that seperate them. The timeless bond that keeps them connected to me and to each other.

I wish you enough,

Wenchy

#theoriginalcast
#wenchytude
💜

The boy with the blue eyes looked up smiling.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

I woke up and heard a commotion downstairs. At first, I couldn’t make out what was going on. I could hear @SirNoid speaking to someone. It sounded happy so early in the morning. I got out of bed and walked to the landing for a peep.

I looked down and saw @SirNoid hugging a young man, with lines shaved into his light hair.

I felt my breath completely disappear and I heard myself saying “Liam”. I wasn’t sure if the whispers were actually escaping my body. Continue reading “The boy with the blue eyes looked up smiling.”

Lee.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

My chest feels heavy and every now and then I feel myself gasping for air. There is a lump in my throat as a cry wants to escape. A wetness in the corner of my eyes. Breathe.

I miss my Liam. Writing the words, the wetness escapes my eyes and I feel the tears running down my face.

It has been a month since my boy left for England, yet it feels much longer. It is painful. I feel a desperation I don’t know how to describe.

Every smidge of news I absorb. Every picture shared I save and print it into my memory. I don’t want to miss a thing.

I don’t want him to feel sad. I want him to see things, do things I’ve never done. Go places. Laugh. Be you. Touch the world as only you can.

My Liam James is doing just dandy over the sea. It is only me who is not. There is this hole, this empty space in my life where Lee fits in that I don’t know how to fill.

Does it get better?

I wish you enough,
Liam’s Mom.