The first forty years of life give us the text: the next thirty supply the commentary. #14forever

#14 till I do

Dear me,

Happy birthday sweetheart!

What I forget to tell you when you were 20 was that it really didn’t matter all that much that you were not like the people around you. You were so worried about being accepted at by your ‘friends’ at church because your (then) husband drank too much, your kids didn’t go to the ‘right’ school, you were not thin and gorgeous  and you didn’t know all the Bible verses out your head. You didn’t speak softly to your children or thought giving your kids bran muffins was a treat. Very happy you followed your head on that! Bran muffins are for constipation. We now know that.

In reality you cared about the people around you. You gave of yourself as much as you could. You have made some really valuable friends and you have lost many to life and some to death. You do cry ALLOT. Still….you were very open to new experiences, friends and you only once drank too much at Vicky’s cocktail party – holding onto the wall not to fall. Okay that was not really cool, but you were newly divorced, and seriously, in 2o years, who even remembers right? You still kicked ass. 11 blow jobs in a row. You gotta congratulate yourself on that one. Oh and that you didn’t vomit. Also a good thing.

I am glad you continued to follow your heart, although you royally screwed up many times. Sometimes HUGE…. Your kids turned out good. Okay so they have issues. Show me a kid without issues? They suppose to have issues. We all need therapists. Three marriages, two divorces? Your not Elizabeth Taylor okay? Judy Garland. Stop getting married. Just let it be.

One thing I gotta give you, you still have a million dollar smile, a big ass and hips to match (you may wanna continue working on that…..) you do give of yourself – sometimes WAYYYYYY too much and sometimes to the wrong people, but still good show, good show. You still believe vulnerability is to be alive and we still agree on that one, rather feel, than feel nothing at all. You do have the ability to light up the room. The last one your husband said. Not me.

Here’s looking at you kid. I wish you ENOUGH,

Wenchy x

“I would die for you, but I won’t live for you.”

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

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Usually, I have much to say, but this book was far too delicate for me to even suggest I could discuss character building and such. It’s a rose petal. Smell. Savour. Remember.

Wow! The book is geared to the young adult market I presume, but it captivated me immediately. It was beautiful in its innocence, beauty, hopes and dreams.

There were so many quotes. Moments where I just sat and breathed in the beauty.

I cried many times.

“That’s when Sam grabbed my hand. “I love this song!” She led me to the dance floor. And she started dancing. And I started dancing. It was a fast song, so I wasn’t very good, but she didn’t seem to mind. We were just dancing, and that was enough. The song ended, and then a slow one came on. She looked at me. I looked at her. Then, she took my hands and pulled me in to dance slow. I don’t know how to dance slow very well either, but I do know how to sway. Her whisper smelled like cranberry juice and vodka. “I looked for you in the parking lot today.” I hoped mine still smelled like toothpaste. “I was looking for you, too.” Then, we were quiet for the rest of the song. She held me a little closer. I held her a little closer. And we kept dancing. It was the one time all day that I really wanted the clock to stop. And just be there for a long time.”
 — Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Truly recommend this book for 15+ (although my 13 year old read it, she is not quite your average 13-year-old reader.)

“I couldn’t believe Sam actually got me a present because I honestly thought the “I love you” was it.”
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

I wish you… infinity.
Wenchy