“If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint.”
– Edward Hopper”
Wouldn’t the above quote be so apt if I was not a writer? I actually sang a small Elton John song when I read it to be honest. (If I was a sculptor, but then again, no…. Or a man who makes potions..)
There was a time last year, I seriously questioned my own sanity. More than usual that is… which in itself depletes a medical aid.
I was blinded by my passion, excitement, stars, lights, action! at having found people who spoke my language. I saw opportunities to learn when I should have listened to my inner voice when my husband and daughter on separate occasions said ‘Run Wenchy, run..!’ (Then again the thought of me running is truly too far-fetched so I can see why my inner voice got silenced with ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’)
To be fair, I learned many things about my new found vocabulary! Good things… and bad things, but an experience it was. One I am thankful for.
I was also reminded that people are self centered, ego hungry and quickly threatened. Do not get me wrong, the threat is perceived. Not REAL – but the emotional reaction is very real. I should know! I am threaded by billions of woman whom I perceive to be perfect because they thin! How shallow is THAT!
I am under no ILLUSION. I am not a threatening personality! Loud, vulgar, over the top, highly inappropriate at times, sincere, loving, complimentary, emotional, caring, funny and insulting all pretty equally but not a threat.
But, as evil does, you start believing lies. You are a failure. You are not good enough. Without me, you are nothing. A bit like an abusive relationship really – tango with the devil darling. Terribly predictable to people looking in from the outside, but from the inside, you are clearly idiotic and deserve to feel crap about yourself.
Then suddenly the veil is lifted and life starts making sense. Yes I made mistakes but nobody died or promised their soul to the evil Queen in exchange for legs (think mermaids) . Hey! You human after all! You apologised. Move on. There is no need to beat yourself with a stick. There is no medal for self mutilation.
It took me some to come to terms with the failed tango, but instead of being an outcast for being a crappy dancer, I was embraced. I slipped back to the comfort of being me… And surprise, surprise – I am loved. Accepted…. Above all, I like myself truckloads more.
Yeah, Wenchy is a tad rough round the edges and you never know what may come out of her mouth…. and apparently that is just the attraction! Imagine that! I was more surprised than anyone. I am sincere. Passionate. Sjoe, so people actually do like me as I am. Yay for them!
Don’t you find following your authentic self so much more alluring than pretending to be what people want you to be? Drama is one thing but pretending is not acting love. Don’t be silly.
It’s in the details…. As little as making a booking and saying Wenchy… surname? Nope. Just Wenchy. Like Cher or Madonna. No I cannot compare but I love fake eyelashes!! Silence on the other side. I’m good with that.
Be your authentic self. Dance the tango only with a partner who thinks the moon comes alive in your eyes…. and seriously? Buy the red lipstick. Tattoo if you like. Life is too short to care if fitting in will get you noticed. Live abundantly – out loud. Sing badly in your car, but still, Sing!
Take that shackles off your feet so you can dance… and THAT will be enough.