And all that’s best of dark and bright. 

My dear Tim, I was asked who you were to me this week. For the first time in 18 years, I managed to explain your accidental death and our relationship in only a few lines. I spoke with clarity, tenderness, and honesty. Thank you for always seeing me… in an ocean of people. You said it was impossible not to. You would be surprised. I’m sorry for the decision I made for you. Forgive me. A Swan on water. No more regrets Timmy. Wench x PS. I recall the day you recited this to me. It took me by surprise. She walks … Continue reading And all that’s best of dark and bright. 

“And In That Moment I Swear We Were Infinite” 

Dear friends and other interesting creatures, Ouma’s room felt calm with soft light… she looked worse and better then I imagined – making no sense at all I am. She is nothing like the woman she use to be, but when I lay down beside her, she took my face in her hands and I felt like heaven had just touched me. It was the most incredible soft, lingering, tender, loving feeling of adoration that came from her. Sweeping movement of her soft hand on my hair… such comfort I have not felt. She is the one dying and yet … Continue reading “And In That Moment I Swear We Were Infinite” 

… He believes in me, I don’t know what he sees in me …

… trespassing on a farm outside Clarens in August 2008. We parked our day old 4×4 on the highest, smallest ledge on a koppie, after playing in the stream.

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

From the beginning he was all in. While I analysed the unexpected love, devotion and absolute certainty he possessed about our future (not to mention the chunks of sexy that was coming my way), he was mixing our CD’S and DVD’s which at the time closed my throat with anxiety.

I came into the relationship with a healthy dose of fear, a mountain of debt, a geyser that kept flooding the basement and many children.

By the time he unpacked a reasonable amount of books, I felt more at ease with whatever amount of baggage he came with.

Continue reading “… He believes in me, I don’t know what he sees in me …”

42 you said?

Dear Tim, I’ve told you before.? The thing with death is,? I have no new pictures of you.? So I had to improvise a little. As I have been preparing for my Grahamstown festival trip next month,? I could not help but think of you.? Do you remember? You were in school uniform. Matric blazer. I was sitting on the steps of the church on the square in Grahamstown. I went to a private school so no uniform.? I remember I was wearing a very stretched out purple jersey and brown leather shoes I had bought at the festival. (Remains… Continue reading 42 you said?

I winked and you were gone.

Dear Kev, Liam James and Victoria, I miss you tonight with a pain so intense in my chest, it makes breathing difficult. Tears burns my eyes silently. Remember when we were all we had? Burning marshmallows over a candle on the bedroom floor because I was a “cool” mom like that? I always wanted to be a Mom. All four of us sleeping in the same room because we didn’t feel safe? Kev doing us all a favour really… Fighting to get Liam James to put his socks on for school…or get out of bed … or brush his teeth … Continue reading I winked and you were gone.

You’ll Never Walk Alone

Dear friends and other interesting creatures,

My first real, solid true love…. The very first anything I felt was MINE.

He never gives up on me. He will fight for me and he will fight with me. He will care for me … while sighing a lot. 🙂 He will drink vodka with me. He will play guitar and sing for me.

Continue reading “You’ll Never Walk Alone”

For the good times

Dear friends and other interesting creatures, This reminded me of beautiful you,  Victoria . My youngest biological child. The way you use to look at me with wonder when you were little. I told you if they could one man on the moon, why couldn’t they put all of them there?  🙂  You seemed to think I knew answers. I love you chicken little. I’m sorry for the bad times,  let’s raise a cup of tea to the good times. #theoriginalcast I wish for you never to be afraid of depth. Momma xxx Posted from the galaxy of Samsung from … Continue reading For the good times