My dear Tim, I was asked who you were to me this week. For the first time in 18 years, I managed to explain your accidental death and our relationship in only a few lines. I spoke with clarity, tenderness, and honesty. Thank you for always seeing me... in an ocean of people. You said it was... Continue Reading →
Dear friends and other interesting creatures, Ouma’s room felt calm with soft light… she looked worse and better then I imagined – making no sense at all I am. She is nothing like the woman she use to be, but when I lay down beside her, she took my face in her hands and I... Continue Reading →
Dear friends and other interesting creatures, You were my first love as a little girl. Waiting for you to come home from the Airforce. A R5 tucked into my hand when nobody looked. The first man to buy me perfume. A comfort after my father died. A man who assured me how loved I am... Continue Reading →
Dear friends and other interesting creatures, From the beginning he was all in. While I analysed the unexpected love, devotion and absolute certainty he possessed about our future (not to mention the chunks of sexy that was coming my way), he was mixing our CD'S and DVD's which at the time closed my throat with... Continue Reading →
Dear friends, family and other interesting creatures,
Some bonds cannot be broken. Not even in death.
It may be 17 years since Tim died, but I had a very real sense of him yesterday. I could not understand why he lingered yesterday. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Usually I am able to pin point an emotional from him, a smile, a look in his eye – yesterday I just felt him here.
He always visits, sitting on the right hand side of the bed, regardless of venue. Before he died, we had never even been in a bedroom together before.
Seeing Tim isn’t scary or creepy. It can be both comforting and heart breaking. Sometimes I smile, other times I feel renewed grief.
I am not big on “speaking to the dead”, or “crossing over”. I’m merely relating that somehow Tim keeps contact. Often followed up the next day or two in a quote or a song, an item that was of value only to us.
Have you ever experienced anything like this?
I wish you enough,
I’ve told you before. The thing with death is, I have no new pictures of you. So I had to improvise a little.
As I have been preparing for my Grahamstown festival trip next month, I could not help but think of you. Do you remember?
You were in school uniform. Matric blazer. I was sitting on the steps of the church on the square in Grahamstown. I went to a private school so no uniform. I remember I was wearing a very stretched out purple jersey and brown leather shoes I had bought at the festival.
(Remains the most expensive shoes I’ve ever owned. Haha! I would much rather buy books. I had no idea at the time how much purple was still to follow.)
The sun was setting.
You came and sat next to me. I had never seen you before. You sat, silently. I remember…
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Dear Kev, Liam James and Victoria, I miss you tonight with a pain so intense in my chest, it makes breathing difficult. Tears burns my eyes silently. Remember when we were all we had? Burning marshmallows over a candle on the bedroom floor because I was a "cool" mom like that? I always wanted to... Continue Reading →
Dear friends and other interesting creatures, My first real, solid true love.... The very first anything I felt was MINE. He never gives up on me. He will fight for me and he will fight with me. He will care for me ... while sighing a lot. 🙂 He will drink vodka with me. He... Continue Reading →
Dear friends and other interesting creatures, This reminded me of beautiful you, Victoria . My youngest biological child. The way you use to look at me with wonder when you were little. I told you if they could one man on the moon, why couldn't they put all of them there? 🙂 You seemed to... Continue Reading →
As die reën van stof en roet verby is en die rook verdwyn Sal daar in die sterrelose hemel 'n neonboog verskyn En kyk maar goed, want as jy hom vind vertel ek vir jou 'n sprokie my kind, van 'n skatkis met ou kettings gebind aan die neonboog se punt Volg hom elke nag... Continue Reading →